What do you think about yourself when this happens? What goes on for you in your relationships? How many systems break down before you are faced with a lack of motivation, resources or support? How do you prevent this from happening?
When I don't practice, I begin to feel confused and/or depressed/anxious. I lose an all important sense of direction. I view ILP as the heart of my life -- certainly the 1p heart of it, at least. I have found it challenging to continue practice while being fully involved in family responsibilities; particularly, in my case, with three young children (all under age 6). This has been the biggest barrier to effective practice.
When I don't practice, I'm aware of a stronger voice of inner criticism, even shame. In terms of relationships, I find that a difficult question because my partner and I do not possess the same explicit commitment to an integral life practice. So for her, when I do practice, she may perceive that as taking away crucial resources from our relationship. I find this to be a difficult conundrum, indeed! So, in that sense, I become more dissatisfied with our relationship when I am not finding the time to practice. However, she becomes more dissatisfied when I do! In terms of systems support, I find support for the family system to be the most essential -- and the most difficult to come by in terms of the integral community. At this point, I have found the most supportive place for family practice to be the conventional church -- because at least they are organized along intergenerational lines. And increasingly, they are looking to include both contemplative and evolutionary perspectives (at least here in Vancouver, they are). Therefore, I find that I have been focusing on the development of integral Christianity, for the precise reason that I hope to generate a more family-inclusive practice.
I certainly get the family practice difficulty. I used to meditate in my car on the way to and/or from work - if I wasn't home yet, my shift hadn't started and it didn't frustate either my partner or my kids. In the early years when my children were young (they are now 26 and 29), my partner wasn't involved in a daily practice, so it was up to me to figure out how to fit it in. I also used to spend a few minutes quietly reading spiritual texts - I found the "company" helped support my dedication to spiritual practice. Physical exercise wasn't so hard - the kids were willing to join in and backpacking was one of our most common family activities.
The one thing I can say is that in terms of an integral practice, kids are as good as it gets. Those little people who need you to be more than you know how to be offer an incredible push and I look back on those years when my children were home and feel that they did more for my growth as a human being than all the meditation, spiritual reading, yoga, tai chi, swimming, and backpacking put together. They are a practice - the most important practice.
One of the most common practice killers is the idea that "I won't practice today, but I will make up for it by doing double tomorrow." People on diets tell themselves the same thing. They eat cake that they shouldn't, and then promise that tomorrow will be nothing but munching on celery sticks 220-701 while running on a treadmill. While it doesn't work in practice, the logic underpinning this tradeoff is actually quite sound. Imagine, for example, that you were supposed to do 10 minutes of 220-702 practice every day. That means after two days you would have done 20 minutes of practice. You could achieve the same outcome by 350-001 not practising at all on the first day, and doing 20 minutes on the second day. It's still 20 minutes of practice after two days.
To be honest, I've kind of dropped alot of relationships; or rather; just stopped putting effort in them; and only recently; I've started to put more effort in some of the relationships. I mean, or else; I'm missing the whole LL quadrant.. which is mainly virtual at the moment. But you never know; it's a fine balance and more and more of my closer members of my family are getting more friendly to these ideas; or maybe I'm just becoming more accepting of them in general; due to my ILP.. at least one of my friends does an ILP along with me as well...
Nevertheless, I'm finding it more and more; that I'd rather choose to spend my time with ppl with more 'integral' perspectives than others.
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Importance of practice
Posted September 8th, 2008 by Durwin FosterWhen I don't practice, I begin to feel confused and/or depressed/anxious. I lose an all important sense of direction. I view ILP as the heart of my life -- certainly the 1p heart of it, at least. I have found it challenging to continue practice while being fully involved in family responsibilities; particularly, in my case, with three young children (all under age 6). This has been the biggest barrier to effective practice.
When I don't practice, I'm aware of a stronger voice of inner criticism, even shame. In terms of relationships, I find that a difficult question because my partner and I do not possess the same explicit commitment to an integral life practice. So for her, when I do practice, she may perceive that as taking away crucial resources from our relationship. I find this to be a difficult conundrum, indeed! So, in that sense, I become more dissatisfied with our relationship when I am not finding the time to practice. However, she becomes more dissatisfied when I do! In terms of systems support, I find support for the family system to be the most essential -- and the most difficult to come by in terms of the integral community. At this point, I have found the most supportive place for family practice to be the conventional church -- because at least they are organized along intergenerational lines. And increasingly, they are looking to include both contemplative and evolutionary perspectives (at least here in Vancouver, they are). Therefore, I find that I have been focusing on the development of integral Christianity, for the precise reason that I hope to generate a more family-inclusive practice.
Yours,
--
Durwin Foster
durwinfoster@gmail.com