Inquiry

We have been students of the Integral approach for more that 12 years.  We were introduced to Ken's work when he first appeared on the cover of WIE back in 1996.  It would be five years before we were blessed with b/g twins.  They are now almost 8yo.

When searching for parenting resources, we found the Attachment Parenting approach to most closely offer advise that most matched our intuitive parenting senses.  We are both professionally educated in human development and family studies, and so thankfully come from a developmental perspective.  As the children have grown we have come to see that "integral parenting" is the focus while the children are in their pre-Amber altitude stage of development and we have grown naturally to a "integral family" approach as they have entered the Amber altitude. 

We are a homeschooling family, and are now introducing them to Orange/Green (world - centric) perspectives.  I believe this will be the most interesting stage for our family yet, and I can't wait for what's in store.  

As an example, our son recently revealed that he has had a thought in his head for several months, "Who am I?"  Looks like it's time for a more formal meditation practice for him. 

We have found the Integral map to be a valuable and useful map for this journey and would recommend it to others looking for direction.  The key is not to read too much into it.  Remember that Integral is a meta-theory, don't look to it for the details.  Look to all the quadrants and especially the UL and your parental intuition for some of those details.  The exciting part is as Integral we're charting new territory, we have the privilege to make it up as we go.

(I posted this in June, 2007 to a Yahoo Forum a group of us setup on Integral Parenting... it didn't get much traction there, but maybe the conversation on Integral Parenting will gain new life here! I hope so.)

This is something that I sit with and walk with and move with each day.

How to raise our son in a way that is real, grounded, emotionally congruent, spiritually supportive, mentally challenging, psychically multi-textured, and physically well-structured?

Integral Parenting.

Our son, Savar is over 4 yrs now. He is full of energy, very creative, and very much a boy. He loves his Bagger's - which are his construction vehicles -  the german name for it as my wife is from Berlin. Playing at his playshool which is Waldorf based.

The current challenges are dealing with:

his amount of energy, channeling it into constructive ways,

creative consistent boundaries for him - as he tends to negotiate things really well for what he wants,

finding what is approapriate to expect for a 4 yr old in terms of listening to what we are asking him to do or not do,

helping him learn to share his toys and space with others as well as learning that he doesn't always get to be the director of what happens, whether that is when we are making up a story, playing a game, etc.

We too really resonated with the Attachment Parenting format. We have been in emotional growth and healing groups for several years and so this was a focus for us. My wife is a midwife, so we had him homebirth, water birth, lotus birth - leaving the cord on until it falls off naturally.

Raw foods and cleanses before conception and during pregnancy and after birth. Breastfeeding. Staying at home, working from home most of the first 2 years. And now still my wife Hannah does.

We really focused a lot on building community to raise him, above and beyond what our families are offering, as we felt that he needed many people to give him many ways of living. He has gotten to see and experience this. I have worked in a lot of different environments as well so he gets to see the different lifestyles and consciousness of these places and people.

I'd say we still are largely green folks... with some integral vibe through the Integral Lens I think would see us this way. And the tendency to revert into red here and there.

Our focus has been addressing our individual and lineage shadows through the Adorata work, a path of enlovement of the deep pysche. So there is bodywork, arts and dance, ritual, christian mysticism, group gap work, descents into the deep psyche, and individual work involved. This then brings a deepening sense of our divinity and humanity coming together more.

We have also explored EBE, Heart Circles, Robert Masters, Hellinger work, Holosync, Waking Down in Mutuality, and men's and women's groups.

We have a roomate that is a mentor in the Waking Down community, as well as several friends and his mother in law who all have had their awakenings through that lineage. So Savar gets to experience that reality supported too.

These processes and teachings weave through our family. We have found an interesting family heart tone that finds its way throughout each week, as if that is the basetone to our family when all is well. It radiates through each of us.

The value of seeing the rightness of each perspective and the limits of them is given to Savar. I am not sure yet how he sees it. He does speak of things at times in a psychic way. He asks when his sister is going to come. He knows his feelings pretty well and how to speak of his heart. He knows what he likes and does not like. We give him body massages each night before bed. He is really body grounded we have noticed. We are introducing him to Aikido now as well. Swimming has been a big joy for him too.

We are adding in games to develop more mental coordination with some family fun.

 The main thing I have noticed is how my own shadow and my wife's affect him. When I am not willing to look at how my shadow is playing out, it cases friction with my wife and I or he and I. And the presence/radiance of a moment gets lost. His and our preciousness gets lost in my fears.  When I am in my heart and body, I feel the innocence of this being and of myself, and from there grace moves in our family. The more I can hold these places inside myself, get the help and support I need to work with them and embrace them, they integrate into me and become gifts and more of my foundation. From there he has more of a papa showing up. And he then shines more and more as his truer self. He feels more existentially safe to be.

Eric