Why are we here? Frustrated yearnings.

In this quote Ken Wilber explains the traditional version of involution, why we are here and separate from spirit. This comes from his Excerpt G of Kosmic Karma available at his website kenwilber.com

“The great cosmic game begins when Spirit throws itself outward, in sport and play, to create a manifest universe. Spirit “loses” itself, “forgets” itself, takes on a magical façade of manyness in order to have a grand game of hide-and-seek with itself.”

 

Why has this been done? To learn about being separate? To challenge myself? To find myself again?

This sounds suspiciously like ordinary human nature. Perhaps this is too much of a human interpretation. Perhaps this has nothing to do with my own perspective. 

 

But, from my perspective, why would I bother evolving? It is after all, a lot of work, done over many lifetimes. Could I not be happy with my blindfolds? Should I not be? Enlightenment is suppose to be great, so why did I leave it, or have I? What drives me back to it? If a part of me is already eternal, why do I care about become non-dual, or helping others to get back to non-dual?

 

After all, if I’ve been blindfolded and lost in the woods, should I not explore as much as I can? Should I not delve into the depths of suffering? Should I not try everything bad and good? Isn’t that the point? To learn about being separate? If I was evil, would I not be educating other souls? Why would I-I the non-dual need evil people? Why create a world of so much suffering, serious, serious suffering? You have non-dual on the one hand and on the other are little girls forced into prostitution so her family can eat and much worse horrors than that. What’s the point of that, and which would you pick? Is she able to learn from the greats, meditate, lucid dream, find enlightenment? Perhaps a game for the eternal part of her, certainly not for the rest of her.

 

Perhaps the wise are handing out celestial plane tickets, cutting short the training session in the dark woods. But aren’t the woods where we wanted to go in the first place. Do I really want to reach enlightenment now, perhaps that would be too quick and I should stick around to suffer my separateness a bit more. Maybe I need to train my soul a bit more. How much is enough?

Yet even if I understand my true goal, why is it so hard to follow. Why is there is so much resistance inside of me? Resistance can lead you to enlightenment, but only if you are aware of that. Otherwise it’s a tough blind slog. And why does non-dual need to be so reduced to learn about suffering and finding yourself? Is there worth in that? I would hope so.   

 

But perhaps this is not the plan, I’m not here to learn about suffering, I’m here to learn about who I am or in other words to play hide and seek with myself. So am I just a pawn in the great chain of things. I am made to pay taxes, I am driven by instincts in all crazy directions, I am bound by the laws of physics, biology, society, and even my soul has laws. I’m not allowed to remember why I’m here. I was put here in the dark woods in order to find myself. But why? Could I not just be me? Ah, but that’s a good point. If I was here even before the universe began, perhaps even more fundamental than the laws of physics is the need to evolve. The great cosmic game leaves me here, without even a map, just a need, or a subtle force. So just being me, is not standing in one place, it’s moving along. Adds a new dimension to that comment everyone hears, just be yourself. So perhaps I’m moved from the inside by forces I know nothing about, I am a pawn. So should I be a rebel. Should I hide? Should I walk the path? I firmly believe most of us don’t have much of a choice on much of what we do. Though having said that, we do eventually grow and become more whole, and we eventually do have more of a choice. I feel like a child slowly growing up to the point of realising, then making some sensible choices.    

 

So perhaps this small, small part of me, has a little bit of a choice now, to walk these dark woods as long as I would, to experience the horrors and delights, and the occasional glittering light.   

I always felt and knew, when I was young, that if I died then, it wasn’t the death that was the problem, it was that I would have unfinished business. It wasn’t the right time. Something beyond my mere wants or needs. A glance. That kept me going. Reminds me of that Frosty poem… and miles to go before I sleep. Curious how Robert Frost touched on life, by touching on death. Death brings us closer to our deeper direction in life… I wonder if we are not here to play hide and seek, but here as seeds.

 

What book do I need to read to answer these many questions? Or would that be telling?