Me, Pain & Suffering

In this post, I am talking about the inner experience of pain and suffering.  I acknowledge that there may be confounding factors and contributions from the other quadrants that also need attention for healing - such as physical imbalances.  But, at this time, I am examining the inner experiences and our reactions to events we perceive as negative.This post has two parts - the dialogue will be continued at a later time in my next post.

How do we deal with pain & suffering in life? The RedFlame from my previous poems is symbolic of events from all quadrants that can enter our lives suddenly, but can also do a slow burn on us each day. Death, trauma & loss are big events. But there are also daily irritations when we are impatient and angry with others or ourselves because our life situation isn't what we thought it should be. We judge ourselves as inadequate and the hole just gets bigger.

What is the difference between pain and suffering and can we see it inside ourselves? Can we accept pain we are given without creating suffering? Deep questions for some of the hardest shadow work. Integral spirituality requires more than the suppression of our shadow and negativity, it requires witnessing and equanimity of the voices that speak loudly inside of us. This will prevent shadows from growing bigger, going unconscious, and keeping us in our self-made prison. Witnessing negativity without judgment can transform it, freeing us to live healthier lives. A really difficult practice, but important enough to keep trying.  Supporting each other in this process is crucial to us all. Imagine a community of souls that support each other enough to hold their bliss and struggles in their awareness equally.  How accepted would you feel?  Can you feel the knots loosening?  Your compassion for yourself, and others being released? Can you feel that quiet Smile creeping across your face?

RedFlame DeepWater
Part 5

Me, Pain & Suffering

Sitting in Darkness, I reminisce about my previous life, before the RedFlame took it all. I miss my life, friends and fun, seeing beauty, dancing and singing.  I miss my future hopes and dreams.

Me: All I have left is you – Pain - to remind me of that time.

Pain: If you ever really had those things, they would not have burned up.

Me: Do you know RedFlame?

Pain: Yes.

Me: Then tell me, why did RedFlame do this?

Pain: To create me.

Me: What? Are you kidding?
Why? I don't want you!
I want all that I used to be and to have.

How could you do it?! RedFlame & Pain are evil! I hate you – Go Away!!!!!

Pain: I am not your problem, it is Suffering – my twin – who is hiding from sight, but living through both of us.

He lives in your rage, at all that is unfair. He lives by feeding off your energy of revenge & outrage.
And even in your grief, subtle irritation and impatience.

They are the fuel to Suffering's fire,
He is sneaky & disguises himself as,
self-righteousness, indignation, judgment, and victim consciousness.

Me: What?
But I AM right,
I have been treated unfairly,
I am sad, and rightly so,
Wouldn't you be angry and irritated at such a state of affairs?
I am grieving, I have lost so much
I have a right to feel the way I do,
I have a right to be upset and sad,
This IS unfair,

Pain: Hello Suffering. I'm getting tired of listening to you, you are a broken record.

Suffering: But I have a right, look what happened!

Pain: I know. I am not denying myself or your existence- I am real, the events that happened are unfair, that is part of reality.

Suffering: So, you understand I have a right to feel this way?

Pain: Yes, you have a right to do anything you want. You are part of life.

Suffering: Then what is your problem with me?

Pain: All feelings & experiences are part of life, all should be seen, should not be judged in the absolute realm.

Suffering: Aren't you judging me?

Pain: Yes, but we are talking about experiences in this world of choices. You can stay here, creating more of yourself, immobilizing those who invite you in, that is your job, but it is not preferable, healthy or helpful. I am here for another reason.

Suffering: No, you are not, you have the same purpose as I do, you help me out, you cause more of me to exist in the world. So, you are no better, I depend on you for my growth.

Pain: You may have grown from my existence in the past, and may still grow in most people when they encounter me, but times are slowly changing. My true identity is beginning to be revealed, my true purpose known by a few...

When I am seen with clarity, you cease to exist...

Stay tuned for RedFlame DeepWater, part 6, Pain, Suffering & Resistance, for the continuation of this narrative dialogue.

May Compassion Increase,

Anne Tyler Lord