The Object and Its Glow (Exploring Self and Object with TSK)

Recently, I attended a TSK (Time-Space-Knowledge) retreat entitled, The Self in Question.  The TSK vision is not hostile to the ego or self, and does not regard it as something to be discarded or destroyed, but as the title of the retreat suggests, it does seek to call common presuppositions about the self into question -- especially through exploring its relationship to conventional conceptions about time, space, and knowledge (e.g., the "world" of experience).

I kept a journal throughout the retreat, so the following entry is based on the "practice notes" I wrote after working with a particular exercise.  If I have time, I may create several blog entries based on these notes.

The practice I will write about below is one we worked with about midway through the retreat.  We had spent some time over the previous several days exploring the ways the self manifests in relation to linear time, instrumental knowledge, desire and sensory experience, and so on, and had worked with several exercises to expand and deepen experience, to develop bidirectional and multidimensional attention, etc.  On the morning I am writing about here, one participant remarked that she had woken up feeling rushes of spiralling, expanding energy that was both exhilirating and disorienting.  Although she wasn't distressed, she said she felt like she was experiencing a loss of control, so we spent the first part of the morning looking at the question of self's pretense to be in control of experience. 

At one point in this discussion, the teacher, Jack Petranker, suggested we explore an exercise entitled, The Object and Its Glow.  The exercise suggests an interesting metaphor for conceiving of subject-object relationships: seeing the self's relationship to object as similar to the glow put off by a phosphorescent cactus blossom -- as the luminosity of a desert flower, distinct but inseparable from it.  Many TSK exercises have a characteristic structure, involving several stages -- attending to a conventional aspect of experience, focusing mindfully and alertly on one aspect of it, and then imaginatively or experientially altering it in some way, while remaining open to the arising of new insight or new experience.  In this case, we begin by noting the self-object organization of our experience, attending to it and exploring it both conceptually and phenomenologically, and then we introduce the "luminous cactus blossom" image and experientially explore this "reframing" of the ordinary "structure" of experience.

In my practice of this exercise, because I was already familiar with it, I started out straightaway with the cactus blossom image; I realized I could explore my subject-object relationship with the visualized image itself before focusing more on the "glow."  As I tried to stabilize the image, however, I found it difficult this time to hold it clearly in mind, and was inspired to draw on vivid imagery familiar from a recent movie:  the bioluminescent plants of Pandora, from the movie, Avatar.  I spent a little time imaginatively walking through the luminous forest, getting a sense of being an observing subject in the midst of these beautiful objects.  How might self-and-object be like an object and its glow? 

I stopped before a luminous plant, attending to the subtle light it gave off, the soft radiance at its edges.  Slowly, I expanded the glow and merged it with my sense of self, a subject among objects -- merging the plant's light with the subtle light of knowing.  This felt in the moment like a natural marriage and there was a momentary opening and release, a subtle shift in the field of experience towards suchness.  Suddenly the image of Jake Sully's luminous footprints on the forest floor came to mind, a momentary glowing impression which faded soon after the foot's passing.  Is that like the self?  Is the "self" like the glowing impression left by passing events? 

This image was compelling to me, and I sensed into it, feeling an intuitive fit.  But then a sudden objection arose:  No!  Self is more solid than that!  It is not just a passing, passive "glow" -- it is undeniable, present, here!  This narrative now felt compelling, but then it shifted again: I touched into the feeling of "No" and the subsequent objecting thoughts as thoughts -- a compelling object or event that was unfolding, "in" and "around" which I could also trace the subtle glow of self-sense, of subjectivity, given together with it.  A deeper sense of relaxation dawned, as the exercise expanded to encompass the ordinary flow of thought and experience.

I opened my eyes and looked at the objects in the room, allowing objects to evoke the inseparable "glow" of self, both present at once.  Interestingly, as I relaxed into this mode of seeing, this alternative "structuring" of the experiential field, I found that self, in its co-emergent given-togetherness, its inseparable, luminous alongsidedness, seemed to leave objects alone -- with self no longer an oppositional center, the whole field is "freed," and a subtle sense of joy arises and permeates the simplest transactions.