Waiting ...

Dear Ones,

I have known for some time that one of my weaknesses is that I, sometimes, do not wait well. This difficulty increases with how important (in either a negative or positive way) the ("thing" ... event etc...) I am waiting for AND I become more impatient the longer I wait AND I eventually begin to have trouble relaxing and allowing (This leads to a "watching the pot come to a boil") problem ... I stop doing other things and my focus hovers over the "thing" I am waiting for and time slows down. I know this is a fairly common problem for a fair amount of us but when I'm in that "altered state" AND aware of the factors that brought me there as well as keep me there I now experience a new factor. The extended awareness of the the, sometimes needed, extra attention. Extra as in more fully in every way with little to no attention being given to anything else for whatever amount of time is needed to assure the ... (hum) ... end? of whatever it is we were waiting? I better understand that while this is sometimes a problem it sometimes is not only, not a problem, but in the long term sometimes it is needed. How do we know the difference from from when it is a problem versus when it is needed? 

I consider that part of my problem is how I frame the problem and question. And I tend to continue to approach the whole situation in a "what is wrong with this" instead of "what is right with this" ... both is needed ... So ...

When I use the AQAL approach ... and I look at this from each view I see all the factors that can cause a sense of confusion as to how best to proceed ... NOW this becomes a choice that I struggle with ... "which behavior do I choose ... which direction do I take ... which "thing" do I give my attention ... right now ... for how long ... to what extent (or how much do I exclude other "things" while I focus on this?). I accept full responsibility for what I have to choose from as well as my choice. I fully see and understand that every option is an option and that I can either be more or less aware of options and more or less aware of my own ability to change my own actions ... more aware of abilities and limitations more aware of my (and others) automatic (or reflex or habitual reactions) to engage in a robotic fashion ... if I am aware of those auto reactions I can allow or not ... as I choose. I realize that my biggest struggle is actually with the idea that there is some "right or wrong ... that is outside of me" way to proceed versus what is what I as a unique individual decides is what I want. (this doesn't mean I want to ignore how my choice effects ALL simply that I decide for myself rather than look to someone or something else to decide for me.) 

At age 51 I have stopped "waiting". Well ... I still have my moments when I do allow the old habit to just play out. "The Simply Feeling of Being" is now becoming more common for me and is that place of peace that I know only takes a moment to realize ... to remember ... to allow ... regardless of how many pots are about to come to boil!

My husband has just been told he will have to "wait" another week for a life changing event to occur ... he and I are both effected and dealing with it the best we can at this moment. Life.