Integral does death?

Hello Bryan,

My heart goes out to you and your family. The death of a loved one is always at once both profound and disturbing for those who are left behind. This can be said for all people, in all cultures, at all levels, but how it disturbs and what the profundity of the event brings forth is dependent on the individual, the culture and the circumstances surrounding the death. So, you are right in intuiting that there is no "cookie cutter" or "one size fits all" approach to dealing with death and the grief that is sure to come in its wake.

However, that is not to say that integral has nothing to contribute. It actually has a great deal to offer that can be helpful both to our own grieving process and in how we relate to and/or assist grieving friends and relatives.

In particular I would draw attention to the four quadrants

• The U.L. quadrant (Individual interior)

Here we are reminded that there are many levels that will need our attention during the grieving process. First I would like to stress the importance of the relationship between thoughts and feelings.

It was a great boon for me to realize that thought (the intellect) transcends and includes feelings (instincts). That is to say that instinctual feelings are present prior to birth while intellectual thought does not emerge until later with symbolic language. The problem for most people, however, is that transcendence was favored over inclusion. This occured through no fault of their own, it was determined by their early environmental, familial and cultural influences. This poor integration is important to understand because we tend to believe our thought about our feelings more than our feelings and sometimes we need to tease them apart so they can be re-integrated in a healthy manner. In short it is important in the grieving process to honor feelings and it is often important to set our thoughts about them aside long enough to really feel what we are feeling.

In addition the U.L. reminds us that there may be shadow elements that are triggered by the event of death itself or in the grieving process. Also there is the attraction that will naturally occur from the more refined or "spiritual" levels of our being. This is only proper since only the Peaceful ground of Stillness can provide lasting comfort and security. However, integral reminds us that it is unhealthy to even favour this over the whole of our interior realms. If we do it becomes merely another form of addiction to escape the unresolved conflicts in the grosser levels of our psyche.

In this regard it can be said that the passing of a loved one from earthly form provides a particularly potent opportunity for our own growth and healing. To take advantage of this is to give the ultimate honor to our loved one's time on this earth by allowing your relationship with them to contribute to the discovery of deeper levels of meaning in your Life experience.

• U.R. quadrant (Individual exterior)

This quadrant serves to remind us to take care of our physical and subtle energetic needs. It is important that we pay attention to what our body is telling us. If it is saying we need rest then we should rest. If it needs to release tension through vigorous exercise then by all means exercise. If our behavior indicates we are slipping into clinical depression then see a doctor and get help. This list could go on and on. I will only add here that the U.L. and U.R. are intimately connected and this co-arising should always be kept in mind. Sometimes the body will be giving cues for you to turn inward and sometimes you will get interior promptings to turn your attention outward. Again, the integral way is to include both without prioritizing one over the other.

• L.L. quadrant (collective interior)

What the lower left quadrant offers is a larger perspective. By understanding the role of culture on our behavior we have the opportunity to better engage our compassion and empathy for ourself and others. This can also allow us to tease apart reactions based on cultural conditioning from appropriate responses to the needs of the moment.

For example, if you have been conditioned to just "tough it out" at the expense of really "feeling" your grief then you need not condemn yourself nor are you obligated to continue to do so. You are free to examine for yourself whether or not this has been healthy for you from an integral or wholesome perspective. Or, if someone else is dealing with their grief in what appears to you to be an unhealthy way you can acknowledge to yourself the cultural influences and be free of judgment that might otherwise get in the way of be of genuine assistance to them.

Finally, the LL reminds us that we are not isolated and that life happens in relationship. During the grieving period we need not turn away from this fact. By communing openly and honestly with others and allowing them to do so with you mutual understanding is enhanced and an open loving space is provided for all to grow and heal.

• L.R. quadrant (collective exterior)

There are many ways that this quadrant is honored in the grieving process. First and foremost are the memorial and/ or funeral services. Beyond that many find it helpful to take some social action that somehow has a connection with the circumstances of the life experience or event of death of their loved one. Contributing to or founding an organization for instance. Or, lobbying for changes in law might be appropriate. We can find examples of this type of action every day.

This quadrant also reminds us to be aware of the social institutions that may be of assistance. Do not let cultural or individual conditioning stop you or others from taking advantage of those that are needed.

Finally, knowledge of the various lines of development can be helpful in determing what is really needed and this can help point the way to the interior and/or exterior resources that will best help.

In conclusion I will just say that the integral model itself will not provide the comfort and security that the grieving person may seek. But, it will be sure that you are looking in all the right directions and not overlooking that which needs your attention.

with Love

Jerry

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It is in the clarity of Conscious Awareness that Truth is revealed.