Differences in Communication and Coaching by Candle Light

We’ve occasionally heard heartened cheering and clapping from the main retreat room as the participants are giving speeches on their visions, and learning from the masters – Martin Luther King Jr. and Barack Obama. As our participants work towards their truly inspiring visions, public speaking and communication are goals many have chosen for their coaching work.

Many of these leaders are seeking greater confidence and courage in speaking to a wide variety of audiences. Communication is a fascinating topic, especially in a place with hundreds of local dialects! One thing we have found is that it’s important to find out if a participant’s communication challenges are the same in their native language. Often they may have a different level of capacity when speaking their first language to the members of their village, versus when public speaking in English, which is often their third language. In addition to language difference, some are finding themselves speaking to audiences with higher levels of education than they are used to. Or it may be the reverse – that they themselves have become more educated and now want to learn how to go back and effectively communicate to their own village where people now see them differently. (There seems to be frequent concern about how one will be perceived as he or she grows and “steps out” – that people may not be comfortable with this for various reasons, namely that the worldview is generally at an ethnocentric level, and this may be seen as threatening to that structure.) There also may be concern about how to approach the “Big Men” – those high in Nigerian hierarchy, whether in government, business, or any sector. This is an especially interesting topic because there is such frequent corruption that when communicating as an ethical leader it’s very important to be able to stand one’s ground. And an especially inspiring topic for me - one leader in women’s rights wants to become more effective in respectfully negotiating conflict with men!

While taking all these factors into account, growth and change occurs in how the person is relating to their specific goals around communication. As he connects to them through the intake and AQAL assessment, James is discovering how each person’s way of being is showing up in how they relate to speaking with others and how they find confidence in themselves, such that he can find the next moves for that individual to grow in the way they desire. He can find out what lies underneath his or her lack of confidence, which is different for each person. It may be that someone is needing to develop greater discernment in planning for and presenting information, or it may be that they are needing to become more comfortable with voicing their passion. Through the intake meetings he is gaining a full picture of each person’s unique way, so that he can find the leverage points to design a program that will target their growth.

I am quite happy to see how the Integral method holds the same ground in this very different context – that we can take these cultural differences into account, and still be able to connect to someone’s way of seeing within that, which seems to allow for just as much intimacy and effectiveness as it does at home!

The biggest difference is that at home we are not accustomed to coaching by candlelight or LED lantern! Each night our last coaching meeting is done in the dark – unless we are lucky enough to have NEPA (the power company) come on during the meeting. We start our 5:30 pm session in dim afternoon light, and by 6 pm I get up to light the candles and turn on the lantern. It is quite amusing to watch James and the participants’ shadowy faces, lit up by a neon LED sheen on one side and warm candle light on the other. Yet the show goes on, and nobody seems phased at all.