Thanks

18mths ago I began sitting with an awakened zen teacher, mainly because I wanted to do formal meditation after 6 years of doing Holosynch.. I had no doubts about her integrity or the authenticity of her living experience and yet something kept nagging at me.  I felt unhappy about some of the ways in which the (very small) community was being operated but it was my doubts about the teacher that were the most persistent. Eventually I gave in to the voice of doubt and left.  Still I doubted myself.  Was it because I wasn't up to the task? 

In the 5mths since I left, I have come to understand the whole thing and this audio helped to articulate my intutitions.  In essence my doubts were about her psychological savviness - or rather lack of it.  The conflict within me was about whether or not it was necessary to have a psychologically savvy teacher and I decided that for me, it was vital.  And that is a good enough reason.  I saw people in that community who were reaching for the stars but who had obviously deep psychological issues.  To me this is simply dangerous.  I have continued the meditation practice on my own and have now decided to see a psychotherapist to help me deal with some of the karmic goop that meditation has allowed to surface.

Was I disappointed in the teacher?  Just a little, but I was fortunate in as much as I was pretty ignorant about the whole spiritual scene and never bought the idea of the superiority/infallibility of the teacher in the first place.  This article helped clarify and clear up the confusion for me around the love I have for this woman and the beuaty and grace I see in her and yet at the same time the need to detach from her.

The other thing that bothered me about the whole set up was that her husband managed the business side of things, and as beautiful as he also was as a person, I felt very uneasy about the way he seemed to elevate and promote her. 

What I got most from this article was the 'permission' to honour my crap detector while at the same time maintaining awareness of my Truth detector.  In Jungian terms this is called 'holding the tension of the opposites.'  Brilliant!

I would also add that I have great respect and admiration for Tami Symon and the work she does.  It was 10 years ago that I was first introduce to Sounds True media and at that time I didn't have the internet and live in Australia so was only able to obtain cassettes through very limited retail outlets.  At that time I was mostly into Jungian stuff and it was just fantastic to be able to actually hear people like Clarissa Pinkola Estes and Marion Woodman.  The content that is now available on sites such as this one is just simply amazing!  Thanks to all the work you folks do.  It is truly, deeply appreciated.