Life as Me

I am trying to recover the full life i lived in Asilomar. Amazing deep intense wide live online 3d experience. I feel like Carlos Castaneda having to do that immense effort to recover the memory of the high states of conciousness he experienced around Don Juan. I know i understood it all, heard it cristal clear and in HD video, now my mind and heart look at that experience as a bright distant light in the horizon. The breath taking immersion long gone, i cling to a few faces i can remember, as if that is what will keep me connected and living in that light. Hardly, i know.

I have been to my own share of high voltage events to know that the true work begins when you get home, when old habits show their grip. Sometimes it takes a great deal of effort to realize what has to be done, the discomfort sits there, all is in place but i am another place, i am another being and the walls call my old name. Annoying. The way all the acumulated mass sits there, smugly thinking me, bringing me into the vortex of my own lazyness. Annoying the way my body longs for the same routes, the way it opens the fridge, all too familiar. Nonetheless the new books i brought are asking for their place on the shelves, and old clutter must go. I feel a need to throw most of the stuff away, to get rid of that ballast so i can float.

My Unique Self, o dear where are thou? I contract into my old contracts, not really fitting in. The world seems so big, and i must change it all, make it new, bring it to life.

I found a seed, it was dry, so i moisted it, now it begins to grow. Not my life anymore, instead Life as Me...

So I am beginning to understand, my life is nothing personal, it fits in such a grand scheme. My life is nothing special, it happens everywhere i look,

Such amazing maze I Am.

Santa Madre, amazon muse holding me now singing to me as i do a Mosaic bow to the comandment of time, an arrow evolving still among the alienated flakes fractured from dark unmoving marble, my face of cracked tiles made whole by her sacred milk, my restlessness cured by her immense I looking into eternity. No fear, no guilt, certainty and inner peace...