Knicky Knicky Nine Doors on the Gates of Love

Abandon All Hope should you take up this pursuit.

You mightn’t think anyone is paying attention at first,

But the goddesses, those vain and vapid women,

They might drop a nail file,

Whilst noticing your scent in the wind.

Someone will be watching you.

Count on it!

If their amusement should grow strong enough,

From your constant interrupted pestering,

They will send the youngest one

With all her stealth and glory,

To meet you.

Her name is Artemis,

And she will sit so quietly on the roof,

At first, you will not feel her presence.

She will watch your moves,

How you knock,

And when you get frightened,

She will watch

Where you hide,

What you had for breakfast

And the colour of you hat.

She will move closer,

And closer,

Until your heart quickens

Vaguely aware that something

More is going on, something

You cannot understand.

When you start your hasty retreat,

She will watch the cloud of dust

Rising up from your steed’s hooves.

She will watch your mail glint and gleam

By the light of the rising moon.

She will note your direction

And she will pursue you.

She will follow you out of the forest,

Over hill and dale, river and stream,

All the way back into the city,

To your home, to your kitchen.

And she will be waiting for you,

Maybe perched on the refrigerator,

Or stuck there on the door like a magnet.

And just when you are doing something,

Like slicing the tomatoes

With a very sharp knife,

She will appear,

Taking the knife away from you,

As easily as if you had handed it to her

Like a gift on a platter.

Still she will smile very sweetly.

And you will feel confused.

On her whetstone

She will sharpen your knife,

And your heart will quicken again in fear.

But don’t be frightened, my Friend,

When it is sharp,

As sharp as it can be,

Like a razor,

She will hand it back to you.

And then still smiling Sweetly,

She will look straight into your eyes,

Like only Artemis can,

Her beauty and radiance

Touching your very soul.

But then the oddest thing!

She will say something inane like:

“I like you and all,

But don’t get any ideas.

You are NOT the kind of Lover

I have in mind.”

And in a flash,

Like an apparition,

She will be gone.

Leaving in her wake

All This.

And finally, you will look out,

On this tender world of beauty

And of longing,

Just as it is,

In its messy yearning, and burning

And utter preciousness.

And just like it happened

To the rest of us,

Your heart will break,

And You, at long last, will become

A Love Warrior.

Welcome to the club.

By Jane McGillivray

President of the Labrador Spinsters Association.