This Too Shall Pass

As a card-carrying member of the Mental Illness Club of America, I would like to say that It is totally possible to be Mentally Ill and still be Integral in some important capacities. Perhaps one of my "Lines" is running a bit crooked at the moment or one of my... Read More

Integrating a Core Meltdown

 A week or two ago I had an experience which prompted me to do some very intense and very public introspection. Some here followed along. ... Since I did that introspection, something seems to have been permanently changed. And not something like someone moved the fence between... Read More

Unable to Re-engage

 I've been trying to screw up the __whatever__ to blog about stuff, but I can't. I feel really violated in this space.  When I'm in this kind of place, I feel the impulse to apologize for existing. But I've already covered that.... The part of me that wants good things is... Read More

Pre-emptive Dissociative Black-out?

 This happens to me from time to time. I don't understand it. Something important is put on the calendar. It could be something I want or something I don't want - it doesn't matter - but the more charge there is on it, the worse. Then my mind starts growing this black-out around it.... Read More

I Think Big Foot is Coming Again...

 I feel totally nauseous right now. ... I think I just understood something about the "Bodies" that KW talks about. The Subtle Body in particular. My Multiples are what would be called Subtle Bodies. "Voices" in Voice Dialog language. I think most of my... Read More

Need For a New Process?

Okay, so there's the 1-2-3 of God and there's the 3-2-1 Process for Shadow.... Now I'm feeling the need to have a new process for what Ken was describing in the recent audio with the Zen guy.... http://integrallife.com/node/77052... The one where there is yet no stabilized Self. There is... Read More

Losing the Battle

I got hit from too many directions at once. Multiple people freaking out on me and projecting all their stuff onto me. I can't take it. My guts are shredded and I can't feel joy and thoughts of death are coming fast and often.... People trying to change my State are felt by my Body as... Read More

I Don't Know

This is the edge. This is where we are pure Subject. After we ask, "What/who are we?" and we can no longer answer - we've arrived.... But the problem is, that can also be the address of our embeddedness. When we can no longer Objectify the Subject because our brain isn't going... Read More