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ATTENTION ALL INTEGRAL LEADERSHIP/ADMINS

Posted July 26th, 2010 by Jennifer Grove

 I require your direct attention for a bit here as there is a problem. I and at least 2 anonymous others also see it as a problem, even tho one anonymous other may not approve of my increasing the intensity of my announcement (I've already announced my concern once but it got no responses, so I'm taking it up one slight notch). And so I'll take that to mean I need to remain friendly towards what is while I attempt to change it. That's no small skill, so tell me how I do here.

I have been aware of this problem for some time, but it seems to be reaching epidemic proportions. Since Integral is trying to figure out how to do the Orange economic thing in an Integral way, this is a very important issue as it concerns certain services that the "Integral" Brand is being used for. Here is the post I have already put up but that I need your attention on asap. 

--oOo--

"...the subject of one stage becomes the object of the subject of the next...   "

"This rule—feel the thinker, feel the self-contraction—actually engages third-tier Witnessing. It reminds you and me to be aware of ever-present I AMness, the True Self, in which the entire world is arising."

~Road Rules from Ken Wilber dot Com

It's time. 

I spend alot of time on here doing this. I'm still not entirely clear about whether or not I'm actually doing "3rd Tier Witnessing" (that would be BOMB) or just dissociating, but I'm doing my best regardless. And I see some others attempting it also. However, there seem to be some people who are allergic to it. And I'm going to speak to and about a particular Group of them right now. "Integral" Coaches.

I feel alot of yucky stuff come up when people who don't take the time to get to know me and my particular limitations give me unsolicited advice. I'm totally okay with turning my stuff into an Object and therby becoming a more advanced Subject. But I don't usually do this in the presence of or while interacting with someone who won't do this themselves. I have deep Trauma there as this one-way-street is also the dynamic whereby I have been Abused and Negated, and I go into a Trauma reaction when I'm judged about this. 

With the exception of only one "Coach" (Susan Hodges), none of the Coaches that I have ever engaged (at their initiation, not mine) have been able or willing to turn what arises in their Subject into an Object of the next Subject. Plus, with the exception of Susan, they have each and every one of them turned and abused me for wanting this from them. This abuse ranges from ignoring my request to publicly calling me names and major flaming. One of them ignored my request and kept doing it even tho I clearly stated what I needed more than once. She admitted to me once of having stalked someone whom she was in a "deficiency relationship" with. I easily saw how this could be true and felt the need to block her profile just to protect myself. 

Whatever is going on here, there is obviously a need for some healing and resolution on both sides because this is over-the-top dysfunctional behavior. And when someone puts up a shingle stating they are qualified to teach functional behavior, this becomes a serious matter. I am particularly concerned about "Integral" Coaches. 

So, I am going to politely request that Integral Coaching Staff "integrate" some kind of practice into their ILP, as well as the Education Programs that teach Coaching, that requires that they learn this skill and practice it daily if not hourly. In particular, I would like you to implement the practice of turning the impulse to give advice into an Object. 

If I don't get some kind of response from Leadership, I'm going to keep repeating at louder and louder volumes until I do. 

Thank you. 

 

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Integral Coaches

Posted July 27th, 2010 by Lisa Frost

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Hi Jennifer-

 

I’m writing because I am concerned about the unsolicited advice you say you have received from Integral Coaches.  I am the General Manager of Coaching Services at Integral Life.  All of our coaches, including Susan Hodges whom you mention, graduated from Integral Coaching Canada and operate under strict ethical guidelines to avoid just such boundary violations.  I don’t show that you have ever been a client of ours, but if an Integral Coach from our organization has treated you inappropriately, I would like to know about it so that I can address it.  Likewise, if an Integral Coach from Integral Coaching Canada has offended you, I can guide that through the appropriate channels as well.

 

Warmly,

Lisa Frost

General Manager of Coaching Services

Integral Life

 

 
 

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Posted July 28th, 2010 by admin
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As an outsider, may I offer a viewpoint?

Posted July 28th, 2010 by dogreene

Through a friend, I learned about this posting, and - what the heck, it's a forum, right? - thought I'd put in my $.02 worth.

The subject of this discussion lights me up like a 4-alarm fire. Forget about wrapping this rather basic premise in all the specialized and rarefied language that (I sense) comes within the integral coaching discipline (all professions seem to have their own tribal code, yes?).  This is about basic human nature.

Except for a few nimrods without a life and that are incapable of thinking for themselves, nobody likes to be told what to do. To raise it up a notch, what's being discussed here feels like the difference between PUSH marketing and pull marketing.  One is ramming your belief system (product/service/idea/whatever) down somebody's throat; the other is about enticing and pulling them in.  In one, you're using a big hammer and trying to sell using brute force; in the other you're offering an invitation to receive.

Which do YOU prefer?

Here's another sidebar that might illustrate ...

A roommate of mine from college continued his education with law school.  In a predominantly almost all-white college, he was Asian.  So he had a different perspective on the "attitude" they were downloading into their students, and he felt like an outsider.  He explained it like this.  "They're telling us, 'you're learning to be a lawyer, and you will learn to think differently than everybody else.  You're special and better than them.'" 

My experience is that often - not always, but often - this same "holier than thou" affliction can infiltrate professions that somehow foster that same sort of attitude.  Basic and obvious human needs get laid on the wayside because of an "attitude" that somehow grabs and takes hold of the egos within the ranks of the profession.  Human decency is the victim.

I've been around a lot of coaches in my time; some of them are making close to a half million dollars (and more) per year.  They kick ass.  They work with some of the toughest and powerful thought leaders around.  These people do NOT do the hard sell.  In fact, quite the opposite.  They are either in so much demand that they don't have to do anything (people seek them out, and are only able to become clients through a personal reference of an existing client), or - and here's a point that I hope will be heard - they do it through PULL marketing.

Rather than using a hammer, they use enticement.  One manifestation of this is "education-based marketing".  On the web, that means giving first, then receiving. By offering people an opportunity to experience your work and ideas (through blogs, videos, etc.) potential customers might give their first name and email address to you.  In return, they consent to receiving more information from you.  You ask, they say yes, and then the relationship is established. 

In even the most basic of workshops out there, or in men's groups where work is shared, the unwritten rule is to first ask if somebody is willing to receive feedback from you.  And, if the answer is "yes", to own that this is just your opinion, and may or may not apply.  You now have a relationship established based on trust and respect.

People sense attitude, and - yep, other than those aforementioned idiots without a life - they will resist it faster than they can say "F--k you!"  And then nothing good is accomplished.  A potentially healing moment is lost, resistances are built, and energy is blocked.  If might fester and build up into egoic camps chucking thought grenades at one another.  All because somebody is unconscious enough and being ruled by their ego to the degree that they can't even offer (perhaps very useful) advice in a clean, conscious and non-egoic driven style.

Again, it feels like this is an issue that transcends any specific profession; it's basic human nature.  You can wrap a bunch of rarefied language around it to try to justify one stance or another.  But ultimately, that's just a bunch of egoic b.s. trying to masquerade as professionalism, but is actually a base ego just trying to bolster up its own flimsy and false foundation.

This, of course, is just my opinion, and I don't know the whole "back story" on this.  And then there are the usual disclaimers: "You may - or may not - find value in it. And YMMV." 

 

But it's a forum, and it's a great container for sharing ideas/thoughts/etc. such as this.  And I believe active and open dialogue should be at least one cornerstone of a conscious and caring community.

~Doug