Coming To My Senses

Hi, Charles. Thank you for responding.

It makes sense that you would understand this. I just listened to this audio with Sally Kempton and it confirmed it all for me. I don't know where I found it, but it is right on target.

You may be projecting somewhat about boundaries, however. I do not feel a boundary around me. I feel the various items in the field falling into categories. Or maybe that's not what you mean. I'm not really clear about that. Maybe you're saying that the Integral Impulse isn't the container anymore. If so, then, yes this has been true for a while. I would estimate about 9 months or so. Time isn't really my friend, so it's hard to tell.

Gosh, I'm glad to hear you're alright after having an NDE! Or I hope you're alright.

And yes it will require time to strengthen and nurture this as it is extremely fragile. But it will also require benevolent support. It completely collapses in the presence of certain people doing certain things. So, any possibility of sharing in this wealth of information and energy is closed off to me in any way as long as they are in my face - both here and in my local world. I wish it were not so, but it is.

Thank you for being here and offering your support and encouragement.

[editing later:  I remember now that I got that audio with Sally from Stanley's recent post. ]

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"The Left Hand Path, not merely the Right ... must take the lead."

~SES pg. 148

It hurts hella bad.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand what you mean by what you write. But this time, I seem to understand much better. Maybe now it'll become easier to understand what is happening there for us.

I think you're right, "reason and will" or explaining and theorizing don't help this. I think I see it on the maps, but I'm not as concerned about that as I once was. The maps are great. And I enjoy the sense of control of knowing where "I'm located", but most of the time I'm busy in the territory and learning about what I'm encountering directly. It is an "Integral" habit of mind to keep trying to orient the map and territory all the time. It ends up getting in the way of the raw data flow, which will come in looking like all sorts of various things according to the individual psyche. If my face is stuck in the map and the territory seems to be different, my Integral brain tends to want to dismiss the data from the territory or interpret it prematurely. I don't see the habit of mind that is interpreting it organically and that is one of the most important arisings to notice. One of the most important things that "Integral" tells us to do is to "Pay Attention". But who can drive while only paying attention to the map?! The Kosmic Cops are gonna pull us over and give us a ticket for "distracted driving"!

I'm so glad this is helpful.

I think your organic interpretation is good and important:

"My body feels like some kind of repository for all the debris that is being either picked up, or a sediment that falls to the ground."

That is a habit of mind for you. Love into it. It's telling you something. Just like the exploding head interpretation which tells us something about me. LOL But I'm glad you can relate! Your interpretation reminds me of a bottom-fish. It's the bottom feeders that end up eating and storing all the heavy metals and toxins because they are eating all the shit that drifts down after everyone else has consumed less toxic edibles. The top-fish will eat clean fish and its body will have few toxins as a result. And a middle fish will eat the top fish and its body will have concentrated more toxins as a result, and on and on until all that poison is concentrated in the body of the lowest animal. This may contribute to the seeming demonic or pathological qualities of our lowest selves. Who knows? But it is something to contemplate - and all because of your organic interpretation which may be different than what the map calls it.

You mention that you don't know what your personal tolerance limits are. I think this is important. While for some Integral types, this is unknown territory, I think there is a demographic who is familiar with this problem: "Lightworkers" and New Age "spiritual" channelers and that sort. Someone in my FB feed put up this video yesterday and it made sense to me for the first time. I never would have listened to this before because it felt so metaphysically silly. But now I understand that it is just a straight-forward description of what is there somehow, and that if our "senses" haven't been released to feel it, then it will appear metaphysically silly. For whatever reason, they have been released to feel into The Field and most of the rest of us geek types have not. Or not yet. Maybe something held us back so that we could see other stuff instead and build cognitive structures that can hold it better. Now it can be taken in and articulated without the metaphysical meaning-making. It's just stuff out there and in here and flowing in between everything. No big whoop. And I 'spect that KW has held back talking about this too because so many geek types would freak out and he doesn't wanna scare them. We saw several drop out of the herd after he dropped that bomb about that Healer dude. Maybe that was a test to see where we would go with it.

But back to the tolerance! I think they have the experience we need to get thru this. It will be tough to find any who are not interpreting it all with heavy metaphysics, and we'll have to filter alot out no matter what. But like that video indicated, the sensations that we're having can overwhelm us and we need to take care of these new senses and our bodies so that we don't get damaged. Just like we don't stick stuff in our eyes and ears, we don't need to be sticking stuff into whatever it is that is sensing power games or malice. That kind of ability to discern is going to take time. Esp. for me as my Body has learned to hone in on dangerous signals and amplify them in an attempt to protect the self. I have to unlearn all that. Or expand wider in order to incorporate that with something else...  Somehow...  I think this is partly what Charles is saying. In any event, my Body's hyper-vigilance system is simply another arising that can be looked at and maybe get some distance from now. This has not been possible until now. Nor have I been able to discern the difference between the two systems until now. The subtle sense organs and the HPA axis are not the same. There is much to be learned there. I do believe that the Body can be damaged. Permanently. I have 'spicions about KW's illness as well as Scott Marshall, and I have not left myself out either. Who's to say that we won't be driven crazy by this? It can be very painful!

One of the things I think that contributed to my ability to being released to feel this is Valium. I don't know what you're taking, but this one seems to be a smart-bomb that does a good job for me. It disables the HPA hyper-drive and allows the rest of the brain to function normally. Ignore what Dr's say about it because they have NO idea how the brain really works because they don't "pay attention" to what the Subjects say. They are too busy looking at computer print outs. They have claimed that it can cause forgetfulness and amnesia. But this is only partially true. It prevents emotionally charged memory from being stored. That is all. It does not prohibit direct knowing in any way. At least not at the dosages that I'm taking which is 1-2 mg at a time. There are other ways of remembering. I think I remember KW saying that the only "drug" that actually interfered with his higher awareness was alcohol. I don't know if this is Universal or individual. And I don't know who would know.

"It makes no sense to me, all that is realized only to be destroyed in the flesh. I too am weeping and don't know what to do."

This is one of those things that makes people say, "There cannot be a God." or "God cannot be Good." That is an important arising also. Love into it. And as Charles has said,

"Meanwhile, please understand you are not alone…"

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"The Left Hand Path, not merely the Right ... must take the lead."

~SES pg. 148

I don't understand why you are doing something that you know I experience pain and suffering around. Since you know that I "don't like" it, that means it's intentional and this adds even more pain and anguish to the amount of suffering that is already arising for me. I know you mean well. But as I have explained repeatedly, I can't experience it that way.

This will be the very last time I say something to you about it.

I am sorry if I have ever treated you disrespectfully or in any way that makes you feel I deserve this.

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"The Left Hand Path, not merely the Right ... must take the lead."

~SES pg. 148