Happy Love Day

Sounds serious. Maybe more light, less heat?

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Hi, Jennifer -

If you've looked at my profile, then you may have noticed that I had a stroke back in 2003. I want to take a sec and tell you a little about that, because I learned a number of helpful things from that experience that may also benefit your situation.

My stroke was left-sided, and it happened in the daytime. So I was awake at the time, and I got to consciously experience what it is like to feel a part of my brain die. Amazingly, it wuzn't no big thing... it didn't hurt a bit. It was a lot like getting punched in the head, only without being punched and not from the outside. :) It just 'stunned' me, and I stayed stunned - sensation-wise - for about the next six months.

But that was the easy part, because the physical damage had already been done, and it took me the better part of the next 2 - 21/2 years to fully recover. I had to re-learn how to use my right hand and right foot properly, regain my ability to think and speak, and deal with persistent bouts of daily vertigo.

But let me back up to when the stroke actually occurred, because my first important life-lesson happened right then. As I said, I was awake and aware that something was happening to me, but didn't understand what was going on exactly. My thinking was muddled and confused, so I just tried to 'wait it out'. I got real sleepy, and started dozing on and off, so I went and laid down to take a 'nap'.

But while I 'napped', I moved deep into my self-awareness searching for any changes that might be taking place internally in who I was as a person. And guess what I discovered... that essential part of my being that I know as "I" or "me" never wavered one iota. Even while a significant part of my physical brain was withering away and dying from lack of oxygen, my IAM remained exactly as it always had been (and always will be).

And realizing that took away all my fear and anxiety about whatever was happening to me, and I was filled with a calmness and peace that has never really gone away, since that very day.

Which is not to say that there hasn't been suffering and turmoil and fear and worries in my life, since then... there definitely has. Re-training a nervous system is not an easy task to accomplish, and parts of that have been very frustrating. Going back to college and becoming a Substance Abuse Counselor was prabaly twice as difficult because of my physical limitations.

But I look at my body quite differently now, and at my own True Self as well... I will be 58 years old in May this year, Jennifer, and I am continually aware now that sooner or later this body is going to wear out, and need to be discarded. Every day there are more and more signals that my body is aging, so I can scarcely ignore that fact - not that I want to ignore it, I welcome the process because it means I am getting closer and closer to going back to my (our) True Home.

Don't mistake me, I love being alive now - if I live to be 100, this life won't be long enough... but I am ready and willing to go this instant, if that is what is meant to be. Death holds no fear for me any longer, for I have seen enough of Eternity to recognise it within my own being.

I cannot be you, Jennifer. I do not live the life you have been given, I live my own. I have not endured the physical shortcomings you have, I have had my own. I have not suffered the emotional upheavals you have (and do) go through, but I have felt my own. And 'my own' have taught me that life is not meant to be feared, or endured, or suffered. It is meant to be lived with joy and happiness, regardless of our individual shortcomings and limitations.

Your life has a purpose, Jennifer. Just as it is, warts and all.

(God gives us our 'warts' to remind us that we are human - but he gives us our Purpose to prove that we are Divine.)

So, what do you want that purpose to be, my friend? It's your life, Jennifer. You get to choose. You do - no one else.

Pick a direction, and go for it... become the bridge YOU want to be.

Carl A.

Thank you Jennifer.

From 'The Way of Passion'- A celebration of Rumi  by Andrew Harvey

The whole world could be choked with thorns:

A lover's heart will stay a rose garden.

The wheel of heaven could wind to a halt:

The world of lovers will go on turning.

Even if every being grew sad, a lover's soul

Will stay fresh, vibrant, light.

Are all the candles out? Hand them to a lover-

A lover shoots out a hundred thousand fires.

A lover may be solitary, but he is never alone:

For companion he has always the hidden Beloved.

.........................

Blessings to you

Jon