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Unique Self, Shadow & Children

Posted June 26th, 2009 by Joseph Garofalo
In Reference to:
ISE Inquiry: No-Self vs. Unique Self

William James rightfully claimed that -- "I is only a point of Postion", pointing out the interplay of the the Absolute and the Manifest realms, and highlighting each of our own Unique Perceptives that the Absolute "takes" in the Relative Realm.

My own interest, being a father of three, is why wait till "middle age" to deal with  heavy latented Shadow Issues, but how to not only create less shadow material in our own children, but give them a different developmentally appropriate technique, at various ages, to bring their own shadow elements " into the light", don't we also have an obligation to reduce cultural and familial shadow also -- I'd love some suggestions or input -- Namaste 

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Parenthood, fatherhood...

Posted June 26th, 2009 by Durwin Foster

Hi Joseph: I am also a father of three, ages 1, 3, and 6, so am very interested in the topic you are raising, regarding not passing our shadow onto children, and helping children with their own shadows...

Dan Siegel is a good author in this area, I believe.  I recommend his book, Parenting from the Inside Out.  He integrates both mindfulness and attachment theory in his approach.

Yours,

Durwin

 

--

Durwin Foster

durwinfoster@gmail.com

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3 out of 3 members found this useful.

Integral Parenting

Posted June 27th, 2009 by Anne Tyler Lord

Joseph,

I wholeheartedly agree that "Parenting from the Inside Out," is one of the best books out there, and for more info, "The Mindful Brain" also by Dr. Seigel.  As we parent our children, it becomes a very intense practice for us personally.  At each age that our children reach, our own shadows from those ages get energized and pop out.  Our shadows inherited from our parents pop out, in addition to so many others.  Mindfulness is our field.  Practice is our mission.  Observing our reactions, our feelings, our trigger points is the indicators of shadow.  Meditation on the reactions, accessing intuition for insight, is our most powerful tool when you do not have a mentor, therapist, or 2nd tier friends.

I am a family therapist, practicing from the space of integral consciousness and have spent many years contemplating Integral parenting and Integral family life.  I believe that shadow work is one of our major tasks, personally, while parenting our children.  It is our opportunity to have hidden corners of shadow revealed.  And, wow, can children do that sometimes.

The other side of that is assisting children with their shadow.  My twins are only 8, but getting closer to a time of more verbal processing.  I believe that the most powerful practice is maintaining mindfulness in their presence.  As Dr. Daniel Siegel describes, it has a major impact on the physical wiring of their brains, in addition to the other benefits.  Then, as shadow is revealed, continuing research & reading, contemplation and meditation, and continuing to alter my own actions.

On the note of developing Integral Parenting, my husband and I will be going live with a podcast soon, called "Living With Live Wires."  My husband and I have been second-tier for over 12 years and have embraced this Integral life fully.  Our podcast will address everything from education, parenting, family fun and adventure - fully embracing the entire experience.  I hope that we will add to the voices that promote health in the Green Meme, encourage the transition to the second tier, and engage the second tier parents in defining Integral Parenting. 

 Anne Tyler Lord
Storytelling from the space of Integral consciousness
Integral Poetry, Prose