Sanctuary

Dear God,  forgive me of my sins.  Bless me in my struggles.  Remind me to pray for those I have animosity towards and help those whom I've hurt to forgive me.  Please grant me strength and wisdom.  Please grant me the ability to be charitable without being mean.  Please bless me in all my actions and please help me to understand my betters.  Please help me courage.  Please teach me how to be led rather than to lead.  Bless my ignorance and show me that the world is a good place.  Please allow me to be humble and meek in my actions.  Please remind me I am your Blessed Son and please give me the courage not to show pride or arrogance in my path towards You. 

 The mythic God is a hard nut to crack within myself.  It's hard to let go of something which I have identified with for so many years.  It's hard to let go of something that's been with me and with my friends and family since I was a very young boy.  It's hard to let go of something so deeply entrenched in my sense of who I am. 

The mythic God, for me, is a symbol.  He was a figure I used when I was little to satisfy basic needs like security and a feeling of knowingness in a world I did not know.  He was something I used to feel confident in a world I found scary.  But He doesn't serve me anymore.  I no longer feel calm when I feel the urge to identify with him.  I feel anxious when I feel him in my belly. 

The mythic God does not want me to leave him behind.  He keeps me locked in fear, guilt and greed.  He keeps calling out to me, asking me to not leave him behind when it's all I want to do.  He is angry at me for leaving him behind. 

It is a battle between my head and my heart.  It has been a battle for as long as I've been alive.  It has been a battle between the lower and the higher.  The higher wants to transcend and the lower does not want me to so there are battle lines drawn.  The higher has given up trying to convince the lower.  The lower is depressed because it feels rejected and abandoned.  The higher is depressed and embarrassed by the lower.  The lower is embarrassed by the higher. 

Maybe one day it will all collapse...