Got Conflict?

Helen, as I stated in my response to Dora, it feels like it's time for this conversation, this inquiry about conflict, that the Green in us, as I see it, causes us to avoid and suppress.  I'm not suggesting it's an easy conversation/inquiry because I see it as an Integral community (and individuals) shadow.  In my experience, encountering it has huge payoffs for us, even beyond words, to move into gaining competency and mastery in this area, both for ourselves individually and our relating to others.  And there's huge consequences for continuing to not engage this ubiquitous aspect of life. 

I see an opportunity for deeper wellbeing, for opening into a higher advantage over previous ways of dealing (or not) with conflict in all its forms and dynamics, for greater competence to engage each other more wholly.  I'm not saying it's an easy consideration, just a necessary one if we're wanting to live in 2nd tier consiousness, in my experience of it, and not that everyone has to agree with me.

It's like this for me.  If any of us see someone in pain, and we're aware that we have some competence to at least address the cause of the "problem", if not also aid in the treating of the problem so more healing can occur, wouldn't we feel impelled to DO something?  And what if we let our concern about being labeled a "trouble maker", a "whistle blower", stand in the way?  What if most of us would rather be in a low-grade repressed pain, than notice we have a wound?  Right, it's complex.  Many of us don't want to be made aware that we're in "ignorant bliss", as it were, and not in real bliss, that our spirituality isn't so much authentic as it is a projected persona.  I admit that I have done this, and still do when unaware.  But until I can admit this about myself, I'm relegated to "ignorant bliss" at best (or whatever an apt metaphor might be).  Ignorant bliss is great to experience, for a time, until it isn't anymore, as I can attest to.  Then we're able to endeavor to more effectively open more into the real thing.  My authenticity (and transparency) paves the way for this in myself.  My experience is that it will do so for others as well.  What's that modernized version of an old saying, "The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable"?  It's a bit like that.  I even registered the domain "integralcrucible.com" (currently inactive) a year ago, anticipating starting up experiential groups someday whose participants recognize and are willing to engage the challenging nature of the interpersonal realities of venturing into Integral territory together, getting beyond just the discussion of maps.  Hey, let's actually "go there" together, what a bold thought :-).

I imagine some might say, "Larry, who are you to bring up this topic to our Integral community?"  As an Integral community, which includes me, who am I not to!?  Since we're an Integral community, I'm bringing to the table what I have to bring (am I sounding a little defensive there?).  I readily admit, I have a "problem with boundaries", as some might say, especially as perceived from 1st tier perspectives.  I find that individuals who know me Integrally, understand the importance of this input. 

On a parallel note, my friend, David Sunfellow, has a new website, the title of which is very apt for us all: Integral Rising.  Integral dynamics is a burgeoning, emerging essence of consciousness in us, to varying degrees in each of us, naturally so.  As an essence, it's finding its way into expression in various forms in and through us all.  We won't all like the various subtle and concrete forms these expressions will take.  But we'll, as a "community", learn to find ways to enculturate "what works" (whatever that means).  I'm not invested in being accepted by everyone, though I would like to be, but in being expressed Integrally (in my understanding to date, subject to change, given input from others).

Peace.  But with wisdom, competence, passion, love, engaging.  A dynamic and alive peace. 

Anyhow, since your question was very short and I might have missed your meaning, I'm not sure this is the response you were looking for, but it's what came up for me based on what I heard in it.  Hopefully it isn't "too much".

Hey brother.  I wanted to wait a couple days to give others a chance to jump in here.  Yes, I have a tendency also to avoid conflict, usually.  Especially because people get "lost" in it, with major digression, etc., and it becomes just a big mess. Without itemizing, I'm an echo to all your thoughts.

I'll say a few more things that have come into my awareness since my last post, and to further the discussion.

BTW, let me make a couple context points for my take on this discussion.  As I see it, this conversation isn't so much about dualistically-oriented 1st tier conflict, because 1st tier is dualistic/adversarial by its dualistic nature in consciousness, so conflict is inherent to that tier of consciousness, including in Green.

Also, in case it needs saying, know that I'm not saying I know of any "the best" way (assuming there might be one, and I don't) to deal with or engage in conflicts that arise among us Integralists , just that I know of some ways and means (form both experience and innerworks), and that I know it's crucial for the Integralists in the world to learn to get better about it, to "get conflict", it's causes, means, and such, and that it at least needs to be consciously addressed in ourselves and each other at Integralists since we're not about further enacting and reinforcing dualistic ways and means in ourselves.  Yes?  No?    

That said, as I see it, conflict will arise in Integralists.  So, this begs the question, if we're Integralists, how can we have conflict?  For one, as I see it, we have lots of 1st tier "residue" (as I call it), its dualistic-paradigm ways and means (especially in Teal yet, and even in Turquoise to some degree if we haven't opened sufficiently in to non-dual states of consciousness), that haven't been sufficiently transcended and evolved into Integral ways and means.  We haven't learned to proficiently detach from and make into healthy "objects" (where the subject of us becomes the object of the subject of the next stage of our identity/subjectness) any "shedding" part of us that we can own about ourselves and then evolve/mature it, instead of dissociating it and unwittingly casting it off into our shadow bag.  I know I do it.  Anyone else owning up?  As Integralists I get that we need to own what we're "shedding" and integrate it in healthy ways).

Differences between (and within) us aren't going away any time soon, even for the "spiritually inclined" and Integralists among us.  We need better skillful means, at least, along with better self awarenesses, awarenesses of what's going on in us personally regarding difference and conflict.  We need to raise our intentions, to do more inner work, and also talk more "about" it, before just jumping into conflict haphazardly.  I don't see how we can afford the luxury of avoiding its dynamics any longer, especially us "Integralists".  How can any of us consciously disagree about that?  If anyone has experiential-knowing (not only abstract theories) of a way(s) to Integrally "handle conflict" (or however that would be said), please join this conversation.

On a down side (hey, the glass if both half full and half empty in reality, not only half full, right?) here's a high probability that this inquiry/conversation we're having might just die away, at least in the near term until we reach some degree of crisis "making" us realized we need to get better with conflict.  It seems that it will require the bold and courageous among us to step up (judgments about that aside), the "more Integral" (especially 3rd tier) of us, those willing to look sincerely at ourselves and these dynamics within us, to tread this challenging territory--ultimately together.  So many of us tend to feel so inept in even approaching talking about conflict let alone engaging in its dynamics.  Well, on the other hand, we're all, I'd say, willing to covertly engage in it to some degreee, aren't we?  Taking shots at others we're upset with, in ways that it's not easily discernable by all involved that that's what we're doing.  Our shadow, at least, keeps us playing the dualistic game (it has to, it's the natural dynamic of keeping something separate from our conscious awareness).  In our covertness, the damage is done nevertheless (I'm learning that one the hard way).  Or, we might be more overt about "taking a shot" at someone and then "run and/or hide" as a way to protect our stand, our "little self's" perspective/position, as if it's the only right one.  This is what I've come to call "sniper communicating" (another conversation).  Again, conflict comes out of our adversarial dualistic differences vying for some form of superior position at the expense of other positions, howerver said.  One "side" needs to be/feel right, either within us or between us and others.  Just to reiterate, dualistic-conflict (or competitive conflict) is pretty "normal" for 1st tier relating.  Actually, it can't not happen in 1st tier, even in Green, though Green is much "softer" in its overtness about it.   

BUT, it's not "natural" for authentic Integralists (particularly 3rd tier), at least in my view, though it might still be "normal", for long while for us.  That is, Integralists will still have conflict, as unaligned differences don't just go away in Integral.  But how we deal with them can "go away".  That is to say, we can handle them collaboratively, being in "collaborative conflict", serving and stengthening the integral/integrative and unified nature of Integral conscoiusness (again, more so in 3rd tier than 2nd).

All said, I'm not suggesting we just start jumping into potential hornet's nest scenarios of conflict with each other.  That only recreates trauma in us about conflict, and about each other.  No a good idea, I'm guessing we'll agree.

What I'm getting clearer about is that a possible first step could be something like becoming present, in presence, in the Now, starting with our own self once conflict arises (btw,  most conflicts aren't really actual conflicts, they're just misunderstandings that become conflicts, that's all; another conversation).  Ideally, we'll do this presencing collectively with each other, surrendering our 1st tier residue ways to the service of 2nd tier presence and Integral functioning. 

Thougths, anyone?

David, yes, you are "right", as it were.  Based on what I hear you saying, I can say you're reading me well and really seem to be getting where I'm coming from regarding conflict in the Integral community.  Each of your sentences is a nice articulation conveying what I'm talking about!  Thank you.  The only distinction that I'd really make is in your statement, "...caring for the whole rather than ourselves or our group of friends...").  For me, I don't see it as about "the whole rather than" individuals (friends or otherwise), but about both, neither at the expense of the other (that's a bit trickier regarding "friends" and "friendship" dynamics; an additional conversation).  It's, ultimately, about authentic Integrality and serving our/Our "whole self" and how to play out the unity of differences (our understanding about it being subject to evolving as we engage the territory together).  Not to suggest that's easy nor simple, just what Integral "is", particulary 3rd tier where there's much more shadow cleaned up (both individual and group shadow material, as well as any potential for generating new shadow material) with less unhealthy "needs" trying to get "fed" (e.g., separatism, duality and adversariality in general, etc., where it's less appropriate/fitting than in 1st tier). 

Also, to elaborate, at face value the feminine might have more resistence than the masculine in us to the notion of willingly engaging conflict.  But I sense that that's the result of 1st tier residue with it.  I don't get that 2nd, and especially 3rd, tier "conflict" plays out the same way, since Integral isn't about power plays, winning, etc.  That, and this isn't about speeding up our evolution, not that that won't happen, so much as about helping us more with our horizontal (translation) dynamics, which certainly influences vertical dynamics.

I look forward to your further inputs and to helping us all forward our competence regarding conflict.  Thanks, again for stepping into this.