Love and Suffering: Dr. Marc Gafni Reemerges

I think you all are setting a great example with this. It is the example Ken has set all along as far as I can see, and it is great to see the organization as a whole living by the same ethic.

It's very easy to ostracize, alienate, and the like--in fact this is what we are all conditioned to do, and the way of the first-tier worldviews. People feel a short-term boost from this, but it keeps them in the world of the personal self and isn't a long-term solution to suffering.

It takes something more to engage fully with the evolutionary process, with love and care and commitment. At times it requires some kind of sacrfice from us, some risk, an acceptance and bearing of a feeling of irritation or such, but it is the path of happiness as well as love.

There may be those who will say drop him--as I have heard it said about other people--but you are surely doing the right thing by engaging with the process like this. This is really the spirit I like to see.

Thanks Robb, and all who put their care and attention to this continual process of healing.

You've explained a fine example of principles brought down off the shelf, taken to heart and appied where it counts most.

It's apparently taken such delicate footwork across so many fine lines to arrive at this "...widest path to transformation".

And it's an example, for me, of the strength and patience to bring all we know to bear on a task without short-ciruiting or aborting the current full phase of the process.

It seems to me that the wider the circles we draw around a set of difficulties, framing with broader embrace, the clearer we are able to acknowledge the actual gravities of situations and let the nuances of the details be appreciated for the gifts they hold.

grateful via vigilance w/you,

Kerry

edit: A principle here being, Objects-In-Mirror-Are-Closer-Than-They-Appear. The more our view includes the whole of the road, the traffic and signs, the greater our chances of moving forward together.

Yes, this is good news, I agree that Marc has a unique contribution to make, and am just happy to see anyone being restored to their former station in life after a fall...

I really like the formula Robb set out: transformation = suffering + love... I remember Rowan Williams (Archbishop of Canterbury), another contemplative Christian, saying exactly the same thing about "the two fundamental realities" at the core of our experience of being human: irreparable loss and inexhaustible love...

There are many others in the world of contemplative Christianity (Thomas Merton, Laurence Freeman) that share similar sentiments, so this new documentary film the Future of Christianity looks pretty interesting, it's a bold topic but I personally think that Christianity is the one tradition that is most open to unexpected shifts, unpredictable earthquakes and abrupt transformations, etc...

Cameron

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"Become passers-by" (Jesus of Nazareth)

what wonderful news ! i hope this means we get to see more of those entertaining clips of ken and marc playing off each other that we delighted in at integral naked !

and wow can't wait for the integral love project

(btw: can't we call him rabbi marc anymore ??)

This is great news that Marc is being welcomed back to make this contribution.  I am also impressed with the prudently patient yet ultimately compassionate embrace of Marc by Robb and Ken.

There is an untold story here that Marc himself has been too responsible and compassionate to make a lot of noise about.

Having gotten to know Marc in the ISC teacher community we have had the chance to hang out from time to time during the past two years.  During this period Marc allowed me to review the massive background file that  he has meticulously accummulated. I have spent a long time going through it. It documents in great detail what transpired and the explosion of clearly untrue and slanderous allegations regarding Marc that have been repeatedly made. 

This is not to say that Marc did not made some mistakes; he has gone through a long process of soul searching and integrating the lessons of some bad judgment.  On the other hand the web blogging mania that has gone wild, and the dark side of feminine victimology that has raised its ugly head is a case study that is fascinating, and would have been tragic if Marc had not have been resilient enough to incubate spiritually and now emerge a stronger and more profound person and teacher. 

I don't mean to over do it here.  I would merely note that I admire Marc all the more for his decision not to counter attack, but rather to allow the truth to emerge gently and carefully over time even as he beginsto share his even greater depth with the world. 

John Kesler 

I was overjoyed to hear of Rabbi Gafni’s return to the Integral community conversation. He has been my teacher and inspiration for the past several years, and I’ve missed his contribution to ISC’s important explorations and articulations.

Like John Kesler, I too have had the opportunity to learn more about what Marc has endured and I’ll be looking forward to the “integral feminist” response to the irresponsible paths that Marc’s accusers chose and I must echo John’s admiration for Marc’s “prudent patience” through all this.

Theologian Morton Kelsey once described the church as “not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners.” I think this stands as a reasonable aim for ISC as well. We all misstep in our on-going efforts to bring Spirit to light and Light to soul, but if we can’t respond to each other with love, forgiveness and renewal then we are not really functioning as the manifestations of Spirit that we aspire to.

My gratitude to Ken and Robb along with my admiration for Marc for taking this step together. We are all the better for it.

John Forman

In response to the last couple of posts it seems important to clarify some very important issues.

I bring to the table several things. I am a woman shaped by feminist sensibilities, a psychotherapist, a Zen monk, a long time Integral employee and practitioner, a person who knows many of the inside players in this story and has followed it very closely for the last two years, and as a person who interacts regularly with Rabbi Marc.

I want to respond respectfully and gently to the last two posts.

John Kesler and John Forman who have posted here in support of Marc indicate the significant amount of material that they reviewed which allowed them to draw their conclusions. The same is true for Integral teacher Sally Kempton who has posted a public letter in this regard here and Integral Teachers Diane Hamilton and Sofia Diaz who are teaching with Marc. I, like all of the aforementioned teachers, have reviewed this issue in great depth investing many hours into that investigation. I have –as noted above- a great amount of first, second and third person knowledge about all of this.

{Diane has also posted a dialogue with Marc on the “Wounds of Love” which is relevant to this conversation here.}

I will by way of closure, mention several points here and for each point refer below to links, which have more detailed information posted.

1)    The assumption of one of the posts was that Gafni has a pathology or sickness, and that the question then was – Was this healed or could this type of pathology be healed? He understandably based his question on a statement by Gafni three days into this controversy and a blog post by Ken early on. That assumption, while understandable if one has not read the relevant material cited below, is simply false. I will provide explicit third person links, which support this statement below. Marc is not and did not behave as a predator in these interactions. The complaints that were spread in various forums were patently false. So the question is not -can a person who sexually harassed be healed, but did Marc sexually harass or anything similar- to which the unequivocal answer is no.

Marc has consistently refused to attack the parties involved saying that everyone needs at this point to give up being right and take responsibility for their part in the contribution system. Moreover often in these kinds of situations things get out of hand and then parties are left defending positions for years, which they never quite intended to take. Marc has insisted to all those who have supported him, that we avoid demonization and hurt and move to heal the wounds or the very least achieve closure that allows everyone to move on with their productive lives.

2)    As Robb points out in his recent post – in which he says the he and Ken reviewed significant relevant new material - Ken states in that original blog post in May 2006, that this was an early read of the situation. He also states that there was real mean green meme distortion going on. He further says that at the right time, if new facts came in the conclusions of that post would be accordingly adjusted. Which is exactly what Robb did in his post.

3)    The facts are attested to by twelve evaluators of different natures. Each of these has looked at this situation very carefully and staked their public reputations on it. All are highly credible professionals.  All made their conclusions available in the public forum. They are all posted under the professional evaluation section at marcgafni.com. 

4)    The facts simply put are that there was a great injustice that took place in the first stage of this story, which has only recently been righted in public forums. 

5)    The initial reports were driven by interested parties. They were shockingly distorted or simply false. Gafni’s initial statement was written a few days into the shock and trauma of this all when he was devastated by an experience of intense betrayal, injustice, devastation, abandonment, self recrimination, and fear. See Gafni’s letter in this regard where he explains why he wrote the initial letter taking all of the sickness upon himself {Click Here}.

6)    The early days of this were driven in no small measure, by sexual hysteria.  Feminine shadow, and no small amount of masculine malice and shadow, hiding as patriarchy so often does when it wants to abuse, behind the feminine, came together to produce a terrible injustice. To go into more detail on the specifics of these issues would not be in the service of moving forward.

7)    None of the religious leaders in Israel or in the United States who made public statements, bothered to talk to Gafni before taking virtually irrevocable actions.

8)    Integral Lower Right Perspective:  As all of the evaluators who have reviewed all of the relevant materials have indicated- Gafni is not and was not “sick”. He did- by is own accounts- make mistakes in judgment for which he has apologized and taken responsibility for in public. And paid a disproportionate price beyond that which one can easily grasp.  The level of injustice and pain that he has objectively suffered is not even vaguely comparable to any other person in the story. All of the evaluators who looked at this carefully, spending collectively hundreds of hours, reviewing extensive material gathered in this regard, in part recovered from Gafni’s computer and in part from other sources, all came to the same basic set of conclusions. These conclusions supporting Gafni, refuting the initial reports, and suggesting that Gafni return to full teaching and leadership roles, affirming that Gafni has learned important lessons from all this, have been stated in formal evaluation letters posted in public space.

9)    All of the recovered documentation shows clearly and compellingly that the complaints as reported were false, and that there was no “sickness” involved here in regard to Gafni. Many of the evaluators also indicated in different ways that Gafni has, with humility and depth, walked through this in an inspiring and remarkable fashion.

10)    Gafni has made a very dramatic decision not to “counter attack”, not to expose this or that particular untruth or this or that person, unless attacked again in a way that leaves him no choice. This decision has been made for several reasons. One set of reasons is compassion and love for all involved. The second reason is that if Marc would decide to counter attack at some point, (which he hopes never to do) it is legally important for him not to share this material in a public forum before that point.  

11)    For these reasons, relevant material in this regard has been shared fully with the evaluators who all wrote independent evaluations, which came to the conclusions stated above. There was not a whitewash, quite the opposite. The evaluators are a group of men and women, of high credibility and integrity, virtually all with profound feminist sensibility, including also women who were and are themselves feminist leaders. The respect and honor for the feminine and for genuine victims in this group is beyond question.

12)    Those who are not qualified in the lower right, and who have not reviewed this material cannot make proper judgments. As is customary in the lower right –a team of lower right experts makes a determination upon which behavior is based.

13)    There will be people who may not want to study with Gafni because of this controversy. That is their absolute right. I have also found that there are many more people who sensed the injustice, sense Gafni’s integrity and love and will want to study with him not despite, but because of the trial and suffering that he has endured with such grace and compassion.


Below is a list of links that explicate this all in much greater detail, which anyone who wants to make an informed judgment should feel free to read.


Spiritual and Psychological Evaluations:

Letter from Spiritual Teachers, Dr. Gabriel Cousens, {psychiatrist} Sally Kempton, John Kesler

Letter from Rabbi Gershon Winkler and Rabbi Avram Davis


Psychological Evaluations:

Mr. Paul Goodberg

Dr. Cindy Lou Golin

Dr. Kevin Udis and Thomas Meehan

Dr. Joseph Berke

General and Legal Evaluations:

Mr. Rocky Anderson: Lawyer and Former Mayor of Salt Lake City: President High Road for Human Rights

Ms. Charlotte Miller, leading feminist Attorney

Mr. Rick Thaler Attorney

Four Personal Statements by Marc Gafni:

Each of these is on his website and offers progressively more detail for the interested reader.

Marc Gafni Public Statement: Clarification and Teshvuah for My Part in the Contribution System   

Public Statement: More In-Depth Version

Personal Reflections, Perspectives, and Most Elaborate Statement

“Why I Wrote the Letter”, which addresses why Marc in the initial hours and days of the trauma made a decision to fall on his sword and sign the original statement that was put out in his name.

Two personal statements from a women’s perspective:

1)    A statement from Dalit, a woman who was in relationship with Marc, who came from Israel to Salt Lake and helped Marc through the first two years of this trauma, who remains a close friend and supporter called A Woman’s Perspective. This person knows all of the players in the story well and was witness to all that transpired.

2)    A dialogue with Marc Gafni, facilitated by Sally Kempton and Dr. Cindy Lou Golin on the different perspectives that one might bring to bear on this issue.


Finally two things are worth noting. First –after checking with Marc – I want to invite anyone –who after reading all of this material – still has questions they would like to ask – to contact Dr. Marc directly at marcgafni.com

The direct email is info@marcgafni.com

Second, I want to say that Marc has asked all of us involved not to attack, to allow everyone, including him and his family and all others concerned to move on with the evolution of their lives in a way which is healing. It is almost two and half years since the explosion of this issue and it is time for healing for all involved.

In Love and Service,

Kelly Sosan Bearer
Executive Director
iEvolve: Global Practice Community

To all at I-L,

 I sincerely apologize for my earlier post and would like to retract all of the statements made regarding Marc Gafni.

The comment was posted impulsively without taking the appropriate time for reflection. The contents of the post were a reflection of my own experience as a sexual abuse victim. As a child I was sexually abused by a charismatic and popular teacher. In my early twenties I went to the police and a criminal case ensued. My abuser had a large group of supporters and admirers including professionals who mocked me, threatened my parents and vigorously defended the allegedly rehabilitated abuser.  Years later I was vindicated when additional victims came forward and showed the abuser’s rehabilitation to be little more than a public relations exercise.  

When it comes to spiritual teachers, for me the most important quality is integrity. Teachers who I believe exemplify integrity include Thich Nhat Hanh, Fr. Thomas Keating, and Adyashanti.

Regarding sex and love I personally believe that we should err on the side of caution. I think that Thich Nhan Hanh offers excellent advice and counsel in his third precept which deals with Sexual Responsibility:  "Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I undertake to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long- term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct."  

I think we would all do well to live by this precept.

As a way to offer another drop in the bucket, i thought i would share this piece that i had written several months ago.  It was originally written to summarize a dialogue between Ken Wilber and Tami Simon, which you can download and listen to for free.  But i wanted to share it with the general community, as it is my hope that it can help frame the difficult emotions that inevitably surround people's disappointment with spiritual teachers. It should be noted that this piece is not intended to help people emotionally process this disappointment, but rather to find some sort of theoretical grounding for their emotions, so that they may better relate to their own emotional intensity in a somewhat energetically "clean" way. This is the only way we can possibly hope to invoke the tremendous clarity, compassion, and resolve that is required to make sense of the heart-ache, and even find a way to use the disappointment we feel as yet another opportunity for growth--for student and teacher alike.

Maybe it's helpful, maybe not, but i just wanted to throw it out there.

How to Deal with Disappointment in Your Spiritual Teachers

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Corey W deVos
(dj rekluse)

Writer, Content Producer, and Webmaster
Integral Life, Integral Naked
Managing Editor, KenWilber.com

"Include the Values, Negate the View!"