Love and Suffering: Dr. Marc Gafni Reemerges

I think you all are setting a great example with this. It is the example Ken has set all along as far as I can see, and it is great to see the organization as a whole living by the same ethic.

It's very easy to ostracize, alienate, and the like--in fact this is what we are all conditioned to do, and the way of the first-tier worldviews. People feel a short-term boost from this, but it keeps them in the world of the personal self and isn't a long-term solution to suffering.

It takes something more to engage fully with the evolutionary process, with love and care and commitment. At times it requires some kind of sacrfice from us, some risk, an acceptance and bearing of a feeling of irritation or such, but it is the path of happiness as well as love.

There may be those who will say drop him--as I have heard it said about other people--but you are surely doing the right thing by engaging with the process like this. This is really the spirit I like to see.

Yes, this is good news, I agree that Marc has a unique contribution to make, and am just happy to see anyone being restored to their former station in life after a fall...

I really like the formula Robb set out: transformation = suffering + love... I remember Rowan Williams (Archbishop of Canterbury), another contemplative Christian, saying exactly the same thing about "the two fundamental realities" at the core of our experience of being human: irreparable loss and inexhaustible love...

There are many others in the world of contemplative Christianity (Thomas Merton, Laurence Freeman) that share similar sentiments, so this new documentary film the Future of Christianity looks pretty interesting, it's a bold topic but I personally think that Christianity is the one tradition that is most open to unexpected shifts, unpredictable earthquakes and abrupt transformations, etc...

Cameron

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"Become passers-by" (Jesus of Nazareth)

what wonderful news ! i hope this means we get to see more of those entertaining clips of ken and marc playing off each other that we delighted in at integral naked !

and wow can't wait for the integral love project

(btw: can't we call him rabbi marc anymore ??)

This is great news that Marc is being welcomed back to make this contribution.  I am also impressed with the prudently patient yet ultimately compassionate embrace of Marc by Robb and Ken.

There is an untold story here that Marc himself has been too responsible and compassionate to make a lot of noise about.

Having gotten to know Marc in the ISC teacher community we have had the chance to hang out from time to time during the past two years.  During this period Marc allowed me to review the massive background file that  he has meticulously accummulated. I have spent a long time going through it. It documents in great detail what transpired and the explosion of clearly untrue and slanderous allegations regarding Marc that have been repeatedly made. 

This is not to say that Marc did not made some mistakes; he has gone through a long process of soul searching and integrating the lessons of some bad judgment.  On the other hand the web blogging mania that has gone wild, and the dark side of feminine victimology that has raised its ugly head is a case study that is fascinating, and would have been tragic if Marc had not have been resilient enough to incubate spiritually and now emerge a stronger and more profound person and teacher. 

I don't mean to over do it here.  I would merely note that I admire Marc all the more for his decision not to counter attack, but rather to allow the truth to emerge gently and carefully over time even as he beginsto share his even greater depth with the world. 

John Kesler 

I was overjoyed to hear of Rabbi Gafni’s return to the Integral community conversation. He has been my teacher and inspiration for the past several years, and I’ve missed his contribution to ISC’s important explorations and articulations.

Like John Kesler, I too have had the opportunity to learn more about what Marc has endured and I’ll be looking forward to the “integral feminist” response to the irresponsible paths that Marc’s accusers chose and I must echo John’s admiration for Marc’s “prudent patience” through all this.

Theologian Morton Kelsey once described the church as “not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners.” I think this stands as a reasonable aim for ISC as well. We all misstep in our on-going efforts to bring Spirit to light and Light to soul, but if we can’t respond to each other with love, forgiveness and renewal then we are not really functioning as the manifestations of Spirit that we aspire to.

My gratitude to Ken and Robb along with my admiration for Marc for taking this step together. We are all the better for it.

John Forman

In a related discussion in the Integral Pod on gaia.com I've posted the following reflection.

"Steve, all,

I happened to be on the I+L site when Marc's return was announced. Reading what's been posted since, both here and there, has me trusting my initial take posted soon after reading Robb's blog. Writing that “It's apparently taken such delicate footwork across so many fine lines to arrive at this '…widest path to transformation' ” I knew that this set of events, Marc's 're-emerging', would be perspected as crossing lines, and as walking them. Those respective interpretations were evident right off.

What you've suggested, Steve, reminded me of when one of my teachers began a romantic partnership with someone who was also a student. They formally went before the Board of Directors of the community for a kind of holarchic reality check. They brought their private intentions to the greater group in order to discover how their prospective relationship might effect the community, what were the perceptions and needs beyond their binary volition. Aslo put forth at that meeting was that the decision as to the appropriateness of their budding relationship was put in the hands of the board. If it became clear that their becoming a couple went against the health of the collective, the board was given the power to nix their union.

That's not an example of employing some 'independent body' but it is a case of attempting to proceed responsibly as members, as part of a social/cultural we-space.

That was the same teacher who wrote into the by-laws of the community he co-founded a Quidd Clause (after the Cpt.Quidd character, a leader who slowly goes nuts, in the book/film, Mutiny On The Bounty). The clause provided for even his removal from a leadership role in the event of abuse, incompetence, etc. which could harm the community.This was another level of checks-n-balances built in to that particular spiritual community.

So I think that among the wealth of experience applicable to our growing healthy (and non-abusive) communities it's not all cautionary tales.There's still plenty to draw on which can help further establish habits of clarity, or at least new patterns of resolving, around even the deepest of conditionings.

Will we ever learn? I think so.

Kerry"

grateful as ever,

K.D.

Most internet postings about Marc and what he did, in my reading, look to be based on supposition and rumour, not on fact.  The distinction between supposition and rumour, on the one hand, and fact, on the other, is essential when speaking publicly about a person, particularly when those comments might damage the person's income-earning ability, his or her reputation, sense of self, dealings with others, etc.  It is nice to see here comments from people who look to fairly regard what they can say within the limits of what they do and do not know.  I would encourage anyone further commenting on this matter to ask themselves, what, really, do I know about what happened?  An answer to this question tilting toward 'very little' is then good reason to take care before hitting the send button.

You wonder why people are leaving the Wilber/I-I community?  What a disgrace - Gafni has a 25 year history of sexual misconduct.  All the Gafni apologists are not unlike the catholic bishops who made excuses for abusive priests and swept their misdeeds under the rug.  It's only a matter of time before there will be new allegations against this abuser and manipulator.  Beware.

As a way to offer another drop in the bucket, i thought i would share this piece that i had written several months ago.  It was originally written to summarize a dialogue between Ken Wilber and Tami Simon, which you can download and listen to for free.  But i wanted to share it with the general community, as it is my hope that it can help frame the difficult emotions that inevitably surround people's disappointment with spiritual teachers. It should be noted that this piece is not intended to help people emotionally process this disappointment, but rather to find some sort of theoretical grounding for their emotions, so that they may better relate to their own emotional intensity in a somewhat energetically "clean" way. This is the only way we can possibly hope to invoke the tremendous clarity, compassion, and resolve that is required to make sense of the heart-ache, and even find a way to use the disappointment we feel as yet another opportunity for growth--for student and teacher alike.

Maybe it's helpful, maybe not, but i just wanted to throw it out there.

How to Deal with Disappointment in Your Spiritual Teachers

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Corey W deVos
(dj rekluse)

Writer, Content Producer, and Webmaster
Integral Life, Integral Naked
Managing Editor, KenWilber.com

"Include the Values, Negate the View!"