Metapathologies & Metadefenses

What a great read. I am wondering if anyone wishes to expound on how they deal with metapathologies and defenses?

I practice formally daily but have noticed lately that I am distracting myself and becoming almost frightened of things like death (and in one sense I feel like I'm dying) and transcendence in a real way. It's wierd I actually have alot of free time now as a security officer, I can actually read, get online, meditate etc... while "working" but I find myself restless because I finally have time to catch up on so many things, and inundated at the same time because i am lacking all self discipline.

 Wow, I also feel like one big metapathology.   Maybe it's time to get closer to a sangha again.

So ,

“How much of the psychological and spiritual suffering in contemporary affluent cultures is due to unrecognized failures of growth?”

Personally a hell of alot.  I don't know what questions to ask here so i probably won't have many profound answers.

      But growth for me has mostly been through sports and it seems like a hell of alot of suffering. Prior to (meeting up with) buddhism anyway. During crises in my life it was long distance running that kept me even enough to cope. Gave me a strong sense of will power and of never giving up. Later in life it was weightlifting and about simultaneously buddhism. If I have any kind of point here without explaining my whole life story it's that I felt extremely on my own.

  Thinking out loud I know I often equate growth with some sort of suffering,  although I know this cognitively I need to be more aware of this- joy and happiness, a sense of accomplishment and so on have a big stake in growth.

 On Kosmic Consciousness Ken says less fear is a marker of growth. No fear of samsara no hope for liberation all the while we practice practice practice to the best of our ability.

Anyways I am jumping all over the place. Just curious what others may have to say.

With Love,

Ryan

PS anyone know why the audio sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks?