3-2-1 Shadow process: An example

How many of ye readers have / use Integral Life Practice? I've found it (those parts which I've read so far) extremely helpful and digestible, sprinkled with insightful and pared-down exercises. My favorite so far is the 3-2-1 shadow reintegration process, presented in the Shadow module. I use the 3-2-1 process whenever I need help understanding some strong emotional reaction I'm having - recently, about a couple times a month. In part because I haven't seen any specific examples brought forward of 3-2-1 shadow insights on the IL site, and in part in response to ChadAvalon's invitation, I'm going to go out on a limb and share a recent 3-2-1 process experience I went through. 

Or at least, my adoption of the process. Feel free to skip if you're already familiar with 3-2-1. The book ILP seems to present the 3-2-1 process as a 5-minute-or-less exercise that you can do orally or mentally, but I personally find them most effective if I take about 40 minutes and a big blank (ideally burnable) sheet of paper and write out the whole thing. The goal (for me) isn't necessarily to come to a final and unshakable conclusion about an issue; it's to gain some new insight, uncover something interesting that you didn't realize about yourself before. If you feel like it, you can even repeatedly go through this process with a bunch of specific but related questions, to make each "step" easier to digest. The process itself is pretty simple. Latch onto an emotional problem, a question that's troubling you, a worry, or an emotional reaction you experienced that you feel you would like to understand more fully (where it came from, what to do about it, how the other person feels, what I'm feeling in the first place, etc.)

3 - First describe the issue. Describe the experience, your reaction, the behavior of the person if it's a person involved, all in objective 3rd-person "it" terms. Really try to step back from your reactions and feelings and define the experience as thoroughly, and as objectively, as you can. Set the scene, make sure all the emotional props are in place. Important here is to make sure all the elements are presented (in as un-involved a way as possible) because you're going to have your hands full trying to round out two opposed perspectives in the next step, and you'll want to be able to look back for quick reminders at the details here.

2 - Then imagine YOUR voice and the ISSUE in dialogue. "The issue" can be represented by a person, or by an imaginary being, or an "alter ego" - whatever; it just needs to be able to talk to you, and listen to your responses. I generally write this as a back-and-forth with myself. I'll start (my voice) by either making some complaint or accusation, or confronting the issue, asking it to explain itself. Then "step into" the issue's perspective: how is it going to respond? Lines can be brief at first, but often get much longer as one or the other perspective goes off on a rant. For me this dialogue is exceedingly hard to set in place for the first couple sentences, but then each perspective starts to get on a roll and the back-and-forth seems to formulate magically in my mind as quickly as I can write. It's imperative here that you get all the relevant feelings, complaints, and questions out and thoroughly responded to, as well as each perspective can do so.

1 -You've fully laid out both perspectives and given them a chance to interact with each other. Once the froth dies down, the mind trick: "the emotional issue" isn't really out there in the objective world, it's a perspective inside you that you haven't fully acknowledged in some way, or have tried to push out, resulting in projection. Step into it. Identify with it, and write from its perspective. The ideal result of this step is to see how you can contain BOTH your voice and the projected issue at the same time; understand why they've clashed, but equally, how they can cooperate. They're already both inside you; you don't have to try to force them in. You just have to understand them as such.

One instance of this process. To those of you who are not familiar with Integral Life Practice, I highly recommemend it. To those of you who are and may be using the 3-2-1 process, may this post serve as a call for all of us to bring forward our experiences, insights, and mutual support and encouragement in facing our shadows - a challenge so much more terrifying and so much more crucial to healing a troubled world, in my humble opinion, than aiming for enlightenment. And to those Integral Coaches and others of you who work in a therapy-related profession, I offer this example as a thanks on behalf of the many people who have been helped and strengthened by your services.

 

3rd person.

Yesterday I checked my email and saw a message from my father. At the sight of the new message and his name, a flash of fear, guilt, and shame overcame me - fear that his message was going to be angry, harsh, critical, accusatory; shame and guilt that I might have done something wrong, in ignorance, to deserve it. For an instant I expected to open the email and be emotionally knocked down by harsh, shaming, convincing words.

That reaction made absolutely no sense. I'm in a very healthy place with my parents, I'm starting a healthy and productive summer, I'm in a relatively strong place emotionally. Or maybe I'm not. I'm not engaging any emotionally challenging topics or doing shadow work much at all over the last couple weeks. I think part of me was just so deeply relieved and grateful to have established an emotionally easy, healthy summer structure, I have just temporalized in that moment of rest. But nothing has happened lately to trigger this panicked feeling that I'm going to be criticized. In any case the reaction shook me, and confused me.

 

2nd person

T - Hey, why the fear, why the anxiety?

R - Anxiety? You should be panicking! You're lazing around, reading dev-psyc and acting like a kid in your free time, picking your teeth and playing video games and blatantly avoiding your responsibility to your Shadow, your growth, your future health. You remember what a state of absolute desperation you were in in February? And now that you're away from the emotional warzone all that pain and guilt and confusion doesn't matter anymore? You're going to lose sight of all the emotional progress you've made and make some major slip-up now, and then it'll be back to crisis mode. Do you want that? Do you think another destructive email spat - or worse - couldn't happen again, and completely nuke this oasis of safety you've found for yourself?

T - I'm not neglecting my emotions. I'm taking a much-needed, and well-deserved I might add, respite from "crisis mode". I fully intend to re-focus on my shadow work in due time.

R - Yeah? When? Once you've settled in? Because that was the original excuse. Once you've established a strong work schedule? You succeeded at that with flying colors about two weeks ago. You know how useless it is to put off shadow work until "due time", until everything's settled; you'll never LET everything get settled - you know that - and I love that about you, I really do. You can't afford a multi-week break from yourself, Topher. You need to make shadow work a daily priority. You'll still have time for work and reading and social contact and even gaming.

 

1st person

I'm right. Shadow work does need to be a reliable part of my daily routine. Otherwise it just gets set aside for too long. I consider myself blessed that I have been able to construct such an emotional safety zone over the last three weeks - but certainly neglect will not serve me well; this does not have to remain a safe environment for me if I do not take care of myself; and certainly there is plenty of fodder for reflection and emotional wounds for me to focus on healing. I am concerned about overly neglecting myself and straying from an emphasis on and commitment to my growth and health - a commitment which has served me well in the past, and which I would not do well to abandon.