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Why I'm here

Posted June 27th, 2009 by Vivi Mari Carpelan in Online communities

This is just a short introduction to me and my quest. I'm an artist and thus different already by default. On top of that my way of thinking is quite different from the majority of the population. I have always felt out of place and have tried hard to find places or communities where I could feel at home. Well, that is - years ago I avoided most groups in general but since I moved from the capital city to this small coastal town I have had to rely on the internet for social interaction.

Three things have happened. One is that I got attacked a lot. I figured I was triggering other people's shadow selves as in fact I was often dealing with people who were all for love and light but not really into the idea of shadow work. The other thing was that I felt vaguely uncomfortable wherever I went. That perfect fit never happened. The third thing was that I either got bored with posting endless comments that were all the same (as on photosharing sites) or tired of being ignored when I was presenting a viewpoint. Oh and I also felt horror when people kept adding me as a friend and I ended up with these endless lists of people I knew nothing about. I don't understand the concept of people hoarding.

In the 1990s "integral" was "transpersonal" and I knew plenty about it. People from my faculty at the University introduced me to Ken Wilber and it all made perfect sense to me. Yet while online, I was part of a couple of spiritual sites but found that people were either quite sentimental about the concept of love or hostile and cold, and often quite patronizing. The former is a problem for me because love is not an easy thing for me. It's the very essence of our being and not so simple to put into practice for those who have been conditioned to hold back. I don't hold back all the time nowadays but there are times when I feel my heart shrinking because of things I pick up from the air. When Michael Jackson died I felt anxiety and terror, as I was unable to tune into the collective grief and bewilderement.

I thought for a while that being around so-called lightworkers, which can probably be classified as New Age, would help me regain some of the optimism and cheerfulness that I lost while struggling with difficult relationship and social injustice for a number of years. I was hoping that the strong beliefs in light and love and the acceptance of those who are radically different from average human beings would help dispel some of my shadowy sadness and feelings of self-pity. I really wanted to find a way of creating a doorway out of my living situation. But in reality I felt stress from not fitting in. I didn't sense a lot of genuine friendliness. So when I saw the notice about the integral seminars and that they were for free, I suddenly felt a pull to reconnect with that strand of thought. I almost bypassed the fact that you could register here on this site but here I am now. From the little that I've seen so far I can tell that the level of intellectual insight is a lot higher than on the previous site I've been on. It reminds me a little of Zaadz/Gaia which I left because the atmosphere changed and I had trouble with people there. I am hoping that this community is reasonably down-to-earth and aware. If all of you have understood Wilber then there's a chance you might be ;-). I just so wish to feel comfortable and respected for who I am. I wish to be able to speak my mind without being ignored or jumped at. Let's hope this will prove to be a rewarding experience - and by rewarding I mean learning via positiva and not via negativa as so often happens! Cheers!

Love, Vivi-Mari

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welcome

Posted June 27th, 2009 by Ambo Suno

Hi, Vivi Mari - welcome.

I 've read your introduction here and did a quickish scan of your fine website. Lovely accompanying music and I like your painting. I am in a little hurry now and will be leaving for the ocean in a few minutes but want to say hello and acknowledge your open presentation of yourself.

I can relate to plenty of what you say. I wish you luck here on ILC. It is not all peaches and cream, love and light, etc - and yet, I suppose we are living, learning, connecting, blabbing, reacting, maybe bits of love-like emanations here and there - well, life. Welcome. Thanks for what feels like vulnerability and honesty to me - and plenty more.

Back to your paintings - the colors in their general forms struck my eye first.

Enjoy the rest of your short summer light and natural surrounds. Soak it up. Store it. Maybe you can find it again in winter. Excuse my projection. Northern summer.

ambo

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Hello!

Posted June 27th, 2009 by Brendan LaChance

I checked out your website and I really like the painting The Flight of Destiny.  It reminds me with incredible "accuracy" of a dream I had about a year ago!  Very much enjoy the work!

Anyways that is all!  Hope you have a good time interacting!

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Welcome Fellow Artist!

Posted June 27th, 2009 by Anne Tyler Lord

----I looked at your website and was overwhelmed by the beauty of your paintings, collages and photographs!  I can barely speak of what I liked, it was all emotional.  The photos of the place you live are amazing!  I really love them all, especially the ice.

I appreciate your honesty and openness in your comment and on your blog entries.  I too, am a very highly sensitive person.  It has taken me years to understand and manage the input from an overwhelming world and differentiate my feelings and experiences from those of others, and the collective.  I think many artists and writers have similar experiences.  That which feeds our creativity also makes living in the world overwhelming.  I have been reading books by Dr. Judith Orloff over the past few weeks and have found them to been very helpful in understanding what it means to be an intuitive empath, and how to manage the input from the world.  She is a psychiatrist that does Energy Psychiatry and is also an intuitive empath.  I am a therapist that helps other bright, creative people manage intensitites and sensitivities.

We have a lot in common, I was born one year before you, I also suffer from fibromyalgia (and chemical sensitivities), I am a writer and photographer, I have been on a lifelong journey of spiritual development and I LOVE cats!  They have been my constant companions through life, and my son is the same way.  But, I am only recently coming into a place in life to share my writing.

I have read, and followed the Integral movement (and Ken's work previously) for over 12 years, and have found nothing so comprehensive, authentic and inspiring.  There seems to be no end to how the Integral theories and practices can be applied to living, working and helping others.

I have just joined this forum also, but was a part of the Integral Naked forums since the beginning.  However, I haven't participated in quite some time.  I mainly follow the videos and interviews.  I hope to become more involved with the Integral community through these forums and hope to connect with more individuals like you.  So many of us are following parallel paths and only seem to intersect in places such as these.  

Keep in touch and continue to share your amazing works!!

 

 Anne Tyler Lord
Storytelling from the space of Integral Consciousness.
Integral Poetry, Prose

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beautiful work

Posted June 27th, 2009 by steven martini

your art feels absolutely alive - filled with love and wisdom - the music and presentation thrive with passion and juicy shadow contrasts - thank you so much for sharing your story so wonderfully fun and fresh...

The overflow of creativity emanating from your site has me inspired to point out this gut reaction I had to a few of the words used in your statement of intention:

THE ABOLITION OF SECRECY.

Although it seems clear to me that you're speaking of general transparency and lack of separation, an ever present exposure to the true nature of things, I feel the need explore another point of view of this subject.

It is true that in the relative sense, the free flow of information is indeed imperative for us as individuals and as a society to evolve, transcend and include, as opposed to controlling, manipulate, and abusing true knowledge out of fear and greed.

But in the absolute sense, secrecy also means the great mystery remaining ever so elusive to our grasp, resting in the ground of being with the faith and trust that we can only know what we need to know in each and every moment there is awareness - revelations and realizations exist in an endless sea of subject and object wave patterns, the nature of which cannot every be fully known with the gross body mind. As artists and subjects we are guided by awe and respect for the infinite incomprehensibility of reality.

Meanwhile, Philip Glass shatters any errant veils hovering over my heart. Again, much gratitude.

:) 

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