Coaches' Corner: Getting to the Heart of the Matter

Getting to the Heart of the Matter.

I’d like to continue the conversation about Integral Coaching that my friend and colleague, Huy Lam, began in this column by talking about getting to the heart of the matter of a coaching topic. What that means from an Integral Coaching perspective is, “Why is the topic you are working on important to you? What is it that makes this particular challenge worth addressing?” This understanding sets the stage for development throughout the coaching work and your relationship with your coach because it is the context that any coaching topic sits in. Let me give you an example: 

During our Integral Coach training I chose a topic that had been challenging me for several years: re-establishing a regular exercise practice. That which had come so easily in my earlier years had taken a back seat to other practices and responsibilities. No matter what I tried I hadn’t been able to get any traction on this topic. I would make a plan, start with great resolve and within a few days blow it off.  (Sound familiar?)  One obvious solution to this topic might be to work with my schedule and put in times to exercise or perhaps look at my resistance to that long morning hike or the pilates class. Integral Coaching’s approach does not go for the obvious solutions.  Why?  Because we know that if the obvious solutions worked, we would already be doing them without the help of a coach!  So first the Integral Coach wants to know what’s underneath the topic, why is it important enough to seek out coaching? That’s the heart of the matter.  What is really happening?  What is really going on in our lives and why does an important topic have no traction in the current iteration of ourselves? 

By gently probing and listening deeply, my coach helped me articulate that my desire for a regular exercise program matters because I want to contribute to the world for many years to come. In order to do so I need a healthy, vital, energetic body to support my work. With that realization, my heart broke open and the tears began. Looking across at my coach I could feel and see the compassion and understanding emanating from him. In our first time together, he’d created a container that allowed me to get beyond the frustration and criticism I held around this topic and got straight to the heart of the matter!  No delay.  No stories.  No messing around. Now that new realization and renewed sense of urgency didn’t magically allow me to stay with the exercise practice I desired. The coaching developmental objectives and related integral practices that he subsequently designed actually allowed me to build the capacities I needed over time. However it was a very important and necessary first step for two reasons. First my topic rested in my own deeply held desire which, freed from my criticism, could and did give me motivation to change. And second, I experienced connection and trust in my coach because I knew he got me – way beyond the words I used to describe my topic. 

Integral Theory maps the human experience in a whole and complete way which we know includes body, mind, heart, and spirit. Integral Coaching, called one of the best practical applications of this theory, mirrors those aspects. Embodying the body, mind, heart, and spirit of the coach is a major aspect of Integral Coaching Canada’s training program. Add to that some serious shadow work and it is no wonder that my coach was able to open his whole self to me and reflect what deeply mattered about the topic I found so challenging.  

So know if you are considering entering into a coaching relationship with one of us that we have been through an intense development process and are committed to our own continued growth. This is our “topic” and the reason it is important to us? Ah, the heart of the matter, that we bring our whole self to our work, in service to you and your commitments, and to our shared evolving world.