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An approach to "Anger"

Posted August 21st, 2009 by Aileena Brown

This is a blog response to a woman named Sharon. Her blog inspired me to write a breif blog about how I tend to appraoch anger. Alot of it comes from my experience working with Foster children, attachment therapy, some bio-emotive processing and movement therapy.

 

I'd like to share my experience with  approaching anger if that's okay. I try to appraoch most things, from the idea that there's a physical, emotional and itellectual componant...

Emotionally, its good to remember, I find, that aloooot of anger, is actually fear of sadness. Its a way of coping with, and avoiding a lingering Feeling of Sadness that they are afraid of confronting... hopelessness, inadequacy, aloneness... etc. It has helped me alot, when i try to find the pain the person is fighting/avoiding... I find myself more able to contain their experience.

That being said, my experience is that if people jump too often to their feelings of sadness underneath the anger, they sometimes feel unvalued enough to just get mad.Its like they feel like they've lost their right...(my own personal experience haha) So its important not to dismiss the anger as fear of sadness, just look for that as a relivant peice of the anger.

Also, physically, anger is a mechanism designed to kick some ass, and so loads of adreniline and other chemicals are relased in our body, and its all designed to get used up/disperssed. But these days, we don't punch, kill and run for 3 miles chasing someone when we're angry.... we sit at a desk clenching our jaw, or just yell at the target. These two things do not allow aaaaannyyyy flow and disappation of chemicals in our body, and so they all get stored up and stuck. This leads to never actually getting the relaxation response (bare with me, i can't reference the specific systems in our body  right now... ) This leads to muscle tension, and the body being in a state of CONSTANT ACTIVATION, therefore being more sensitive to loud noises, tone of voice, personal space etc. So its suuuper important to try to keep one's self aware of the fact that they need to find a way to release that stuff... because the truth is, is sometimes you just have to grin and bare it.... its just finding a way to release it later, in an appropriate environment... running, joggin, karate, punching your pillow and screaming lol.

LLlllastly. Its important to articulate the feelings that your body is feeling. Create the connection between your intellect and your heart. Find words to explain. This helps orient yourself in time and space, thus bringing about a clearer presence. Finding the right words for one's experience is what makes the growth process, a real, conscious existence. This is not a rational process. Many times, esepicially in the beginning it can sound like this... "i KNOW that it isn't true, but it FEELS like, sometimes you don't love me for real" Allow your intelligent mind, to ARTICULATE, the irrational FEELINGS of your emotional brain.

This is all stuff that I have used most with working with children, but its entirely applicable to adults. I've integrated alot of work my father, a psychologist and mother, an espressive therapist have been putting together. This is sort of my own simple way of making sence of things and applying to the world.

 


 

I look forward to continuing to read your blogs, please continue sharing your ponderances.

Peacetobreathe-

Ali


 

 

 

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Anger repression

Posted August 21st, 2009 by Scott Marshall

 I like what you are saying!

 

From my experience teaching emotionally disturbed children often anger is the most prominent atmospheric tension.  I often see opportunities to become responsible for unclaimed anger.  This is an environment that you could say in a manner of speaking is highly "charged" with shadow projections.

 

Becoming more comfortable in uncomfortable situations lends to a greater capacity for changing these situations for the better!  Perhaps you can relate??

 

more to follow

 

~S

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Posted August 21st, 2009 by admin
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Perserverance

Posted September 2nd, 2009 by Sharon Schafer

Ali,

Thanks for the post!

You know, what stands out the most from your blog is to 'find the words'.  When angry or coping with someone who is angry, I've experienced miscommunication to be a heated trigger.   When I've been patient and quiet enough within myself, I've been able to see through my husband's anger (which at root is fear of appearing inadaquate to me) and find the words that express to him "I understand you."  

I guess what I was more pointedly referencing though was my own efforts to cope with his anger.   For the tension in the room, when happening much to often, was more to deal with that I thought I could bare.  But I always give it my best.   

I've tried everything, and many times felt like there was nothing more I could do or say, but the tranforming quality here turned out to be perserverance.   In the last months my husband has FINALLY been much more receptive to what I say, and much more willing to make the changes that will improve and deepen our relationship.  

I'm sure that you know of this, and I admire your work with foster children.  I was once a kid of the system myself.  In the late teen years.   And people like you are exactly what the kids need. .  

Thanks again.   I'm posting a topic now...so stop by sometime :-)--

SharonStar*

"Conquistada por la Verdad, y solo la Verdad"

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subtle anger practice

Posted September 5th, 2009 by Sascha Junker

Hi Ali,

thanks for your post, it fits my own experiences with anger pretty well. (Suppressed) rage is my central emotional baggage which has annoyed me and my environment for long years! It often also hinders me to stay in silent meditation, because it gets so vivid and strong as soon as space opens up for it. I agree that behind the anger there is a feeling of loneliness and a voice that says something like »you're not good enough, you're not what the world needs!« I tried to scream it away, to let it out through physical action, but it didn't get me deep enough.

So recently I happened to watch »Release the Energy Within Your Shadow« with Sally Kempton and that stirred things up immensely. I experienced it as taxing and exhausting to breath into that strong emotion, but finally something began to move. It was like a prickle in my abdomen, my neck and even my head. It's so incredible what this body has collected and »stored« in his cells! The upcoming earthquake is not easy to bear, but after releasing it a wonderful satisfaction occurs. It also motivates me to stick to that effective practice on a regular basis.

Another helpful thing for me is to listen carefully to the inner voice of anger when arising, mostly followed by another voice that tries to shut it down immediately. In doing so it's sometimes possible for me to express the anger before it is being repressed, smoldering under the surface. That doesn't always work, but if it does it's a great relief, because it leaves the anger where it belongs, making direct, prompt and fair communication a new possibility.

Regarding the emotional background I also heard before that it would be just the other way round: anger is not rooted in sadness, but depression is a result of avoided anger. To me the former sounds more likely, but maybe it just depends on the type of person and his or her emotional patterns?