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Lonely Buddhist Wandering

Posted January 1st, 2010 by Aileena Brown

 

Make friends with lonely, I once wrote to myself in a journal, somewhere.  Make friends with lonely and perhaps it won't feel so lonesome. Make friends with lonely, becase lonely just wants a friend. Yes, lonely wants some company.

Yeah. I guess I feel lonely. It's been a while, probably, since I've noticed it. I'm sure its been there all along. Oh entropy. I can't count how many times I've been swallowed by the bounding rythyms of change, in the past few years. How many times have I reconstructed my reality? So many disollutionments towards all the basic assumptions I have grounding me.What's truth here, is not necessarily truth there. Experience shows me, that masculine becomes feminine in the next holon.

It all breaks down at somepoint. Even the pattern of breakdown, will breakdown and you will be lost again, even if only for a moment. For Eternity.

So yeah. I guess I'm lonely. I guess I'm speeding up this process, by cutting to the chase. I'll just hang out with it; lonely that is. Notice all my attempts to mask it. What's an attempt to mask it now, was once the freedom from it. Food does not fill me, as not a penis to my vagina. Art does not soothe me, but only distracts me from the moment. Company does not connect me, only remind me that I wish I were alone. Stillness does not settle me.

Food was once nourishing. A penis once was filling. Art was once extending. Company was once connecting. Stillness was once satisfying. But now, caught between worlds, in a land of limbo, I squirm, I churn, I tear, I sit, I sleep, I wish, I pray, I breathe, until something new comes into formation.

Some new construct, in which I can take refuge and hang out, until the next wave comes.

 

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Loneliness

Posted January 6th, 2010 by Jerome Jacoby

Hi Ali,

I went through the "lonelies" about twenty years ago.  A wise minister said I had to put up with loneliness until it became solitude.  Eventually, it did.  I was blessed at the time with a job that didn't require a whole lot of creativity.  Rather, more accurately, the creativity had been done earlier and it had become "plug and chug."  There was a long list of things to do, and it was just a matter of keeping on working down the list.  Keep on keepin' on.  Check this one off and go on to the next one.  The work gave structure to my days.

Evenings, on the other hand, were a bitch.  "What interests you?" a friend asked.  "Not much of anything," I replied.  It's called mild depression, to give it a name.  Not severe depression, mind you, which can be life threatening.  Just the blahs.  Eventually--a word that doesn't do the process justice--after what seemed forever, I did find a topic that got my attention and kept it for more than a few minutes.  And I began reading about it.  The more I read, the more fascinating I found the topic to be, until today I call it my hobby.  That topic led to other related topics, and now at age 69 I don't have enough time to spend on those topics.  In fact, I wonder how I managed to give forty hours a week to my former employer.

The other thing I was told was to feel my feelings.  Being an engineer at the time I didn't do feelings.  So a friend handed me a list of feeling words, so I could look down the list and see what I was feeling.  It happened!  I'm not exaggerating.  I also discovered that enduring some feelings was the most painful experience of my life--which is saying a whole bunch.  Worse than enduring the death of my wife and daughter when I was 33.  Worse than enduring a broken hip, which was just physical pain.  So I sat there one night when I was 49 and felt my feelings.  Somehow I didn't die.  But I was re-born in a very real sense of the word.  Re-born a very different man than the man I had been the day before.  I'm sure I looked the same from the outside, but on the inside everything was different.

I now look at life very differently.  Mythology is more important than history.  The mythological meaning of the Resurrection is that there is life after re-birth.  And not just life, but life more abundantly--like a bushel basket of wheat that has been shaken together, tamped down, heaped up, and overflowing.

Keep on keepin' on.

JerrytheSeeker

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Posted January 1st, 2010 by admin
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touching

Posted January 1st, 2010 by Ambo Suno

What you write is touching, Ali. As is your next written post above. Yes. Staying with and moving through. To the extent that we each are able at the moment, is how I translate this for us all. Some times we push - some times we take it easy. Happy New Year, rich new year. And forgive me for saying - you have so much time ahead to stay with and move through. Is it OK to say that you needn't hurry too much. (Can I take this suggestion myself.) Blessings to you. And us all. ambo


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Moves me because i will like too

Posted January 8th, 2010 by Llarod Hernaiz

 

          
           Your post moves me to try to communicate me with you. Please excuse me for any grammar error, my first language is Spanish and no matter that I understand 100 percent English when I tried to deliver sometimes I cannot explain my thought as clear I would like. You post really makes sense to me because no matter that my wife follows the same spiritual paths our level of perceiving the world is totally different and no matter that I have the luck to have almost a personal spiritual guide he is job is not to agree with me, is to help me understand that the way to the true self is thru the spiritual practices, techniques, the self observation and self actualization, I feel that loneliness, the feeling to be stuck in the middle.
 
            Maya don’t attract me and the philosophical and spiritual life sometimes can be boring when you understand the concept, the ideas, the theory, the structure. No matter that sometimes you can reach the understanding of enjoy yourself when you understand your level of consciousness and the ability to understand the point of view of the other and the level of conscious they come from having asses then to enjoy the aloneness that Osho describe sometimes you will like to share your views. Sometimes you will like to be understood without been taking like a teacher or been challenge like an ignorant. Sometimes you will like to be completely you without offending the other with the way you behave in situation that they will probably will act completely selfish. Somebody said that all of them laugh about me because I am different but i laugh about them because they all the same. I don’t feel that way but this quote have some wisdom.
 
            The great thing of all this that I sharing here is to understand that each thing that I mention, that I miss or I will like is a wish, a want that come from the ego, from the mind. The great thing is that with acceptance of every moment with full presence all these sufferings disappears and I test it and tasted many times, that bad thing is that is not permanent and the only way it can be permanent is thru the spiritual practice, the acceptation, the self observation, the understanding and the self actualization, in other words getting out of the I will like to enter completely in the I am. Thank you for your post because help me took look to all that makes me feel lonely sometimes and understand like Siddhārtha Gautama the Budha all want and wishes most disappear to experiment the absolute, the quiet, the stillness, doesn’t means that you have to stay still because you can move with it wherever you go if you really absorb it.
 

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Thanks

Posted January 30th, 2010 by Trev Blue

Hey Ali, just wanted to thank you. I googled lonely Buddhist, since that's what I was that day, and it led me straight to your writing. I felt a connection with what you wrote. You really helped me remember my lessons that night. Just signed up to this place so I can continue to read some more work just like this. Hope you keep up your writing. -Trevor