Dr. Keith has identified the five most important aspects of relating, which he calls the Five Stars. These five aspects, Dr. Keith maintains, are not just interrelated. They are inextricable from each other. Which means that practicing any one of these helps you deepen your capacity for the others — and neglecting any one of these can seriously wound your relationship.

Keith asks you to address these Five Stars by exploring five crucial questions:

#1: Is there erotic polarity, a spark of attraction, between me and this person?

We have energetic polarities with everyone we encounter, but some polarities have an erotic tingle. If you're a guy, you probably look at an attractive woman and feel somewhere between a subtle to a huge sexual desire. She smiles and you might think, "She's into me!" If you're a woman encountering an attractive man, you might notice "He has kind eyes," or feel a pleasant (or maybe uncomfortable) awareness of your body as he looks at you. You might like his interest, or want to tell him about yourself.

We all have masculine and feminine aspects. At our core, especially in the sexual occasion, we usually have a more masculine — the leader in the erotic dance, or a more feminine — the follower in the erotic dance — sexual essence. When masculine and feminine sexual essences intersect, erotic polarities often ensue. This class will help you discover and clarify your masculine/feminine aspects and essence. Even more, you'll learn how to manage erotic polarities to avoid hassles and improve relationships.

#2: Do I and this person maintain our physical and psychological health?

Someone doesn't have to be buff and Buddha-like to maintain physical and psychological health — they just need to be willing to invest regular effort in growth and sanity. For instance, does this person seem like they'd eat healthy food, avoid cigarettes and addictions, and ask for and receive help if they had physical or emotional problems. If this person was physically or emotionally compromised, would they make it a priority to get back into balance?

In the 21st century we have oceans of astounding data about health and happiness. We'll explore what's healthy and unhealthy from lots of perspectives. You'll be able to choose from a myriad of ways to discern health in others, as well as maintain physical and psychological well-being in yourself.

#3: If there is conflict, are we both willing and able to do whatever it takes to get back to love?

Does this person have the depth, knowledge, skills, and maturity to deal productively with conflict? A runaway lover who disappears at the first sign of problems is not a Five Star Candidate. All intimacy involves suffering of some sort, and we need partners who can hold onto themselves and work with us in the clutch. Can this person manage their own fears, resentments, and impulses to attack or flee, and work back to understanding and affection?

Humans routinely enter distorted defensive states when their nervous systems read threat. Would this person be open to examining defensive states, and regulating them into states of healthy response to the present moment? Are you able and willing to resolve conflict back to love? This class teaches how to handle and relate with people's defensive states. More importantly, you'll discover your go-to defensive states and how to shift them to states of healthy response.

#4: How do I and this person show up as parents or family members?

We all grew up in some family experience. Does this person seem like they'd put themselves second if they were needed by a child? Do they seem like they'd relate well and set appropriate boundaries with different family members? A superior parent does his or her best to attune to themselves and kids, to protect and care for children in their orbit, and to grow in these abilities throughout a lifetime.

Someone who shows up as a family member values family connections, but takes responsibility to do it right — whatever that means. Sometimes it's helping out when you're needed. Sometimes it's refusing to help if offering assistance is codependence instead of authentic support. We'll discuss open family systems with growth mindsets and closed family systems with fixed mindsets. Keith will explain the difference between emotional coaching and emotional dismissing and why emotional coaching is so much better. You'll learn how to better show up as a parent or family member and how to recognize the likelihood another will show up.

#5: Does this person have deep soul’s purpose? Would they feel appreciation and admiration for what's meaningful to me?

Humans are born hardwired for a sense of the sacred. Consciousness yearns for larger, wiser, deeper, more meaningful existence. If you've ever been in love (and most of us have), you might have noticed that after the initial romantic infatuation stage of a relationship burns out (as it usually does six to eighteen months into a love affair), you don't particularly want a partner whose sole reason for being is to be with you. You want his or her life to have a broader meaning.

Also, we need partners who respect and at least somewhat understand what's deeply important to us. If I take my relationship with God, spirit, or the infinite seriously, I need my partner to understand and respect how special that is. If you find a deeper connectedness and sense of unity doing yoga, parenting your child, volunteering for youth soccer, or having integrity in your job, you need your partner to recognize and honor these significant areas. Often the best way to notice deep purpose in another is to be anchored in our own deep purpose. We'll explore different paths to a meaningful life and how to discover and sustain a path with a heart.