Everything Is Relationships: The Hidden Force That Shapes Reality

Dr. Keith WittCognitive, Defenses, Emotional, Interpersonal, Love & Intimacy, Perspectives, Psychology, Video, Witt & Wisdom: Live with Dr. Keith

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Perspective Shift:

  1. Genetics load the gun, but relationships pull the trigger. While personality is 75% heritable, we are exceptionally sensitive to social context. Your developmental trajectory isn’t determined by your DNA — it’s shaped by the quality of relationships and social structures you inhabit. Change the container, change the person.
  2. Hierarchies are built into this reality; the question is whether they serve growth or domination. Humans create hierarchies within 10 seconds of meeting. The choice isn’t between hierarchy and equality—it’s between structures that elevate everyone versus those that crush people beneath them. The best hierarchies want to be transcended; the worst want to maintain power.
  3. The same four qualities create success across every domain of human relationship. Whether you’re parenting, leading, or loving, the formula is identical: be firm, warm, flexible, and resolved. This isn’t theory—it’s the consistent finding across 90 years of social research. The universal pattern hiding in plain sight.
  4. Fear-based cultures create the very problems they claim to solve. When groups feel threatened, they default to dominator hierarchies, suppress dissent, and scapegoat others. But security and good structure bring out humanity’s natural tendency to affiliate, care, and share. The question isn’t whether humans are good or bad—it’s whether we feel safe enough to be good.
  5. Everything is relationships, but not all relationships are equal. The quality of your connections — from family to community to nation — determines the trajectory of your life and culture. Master the art of creating growth hierarchies, and you master the art of human flourishing.

At every scale of existence — from the intimacy of our closest relationships to the vast sweep of cultural evolution — relationship is the hidden force that shapes who we are, how we grow, and what kind of world we create together.

In this rich and wide-ranging dialogue, Dr. Keith Witt and Corey deVos explore how the quality of our relationships—whether in families, friendships, organizations, or nations—determines the trajectory of both personal development and collective evolution. Drawing from developmental psychology, social research, psychotherapy, and Integral Theory, they illuminate the difference between growth hierarchies that nurture and elevate human potential, and dominator hierarchies that oppress and constrain it.

Along the way, they examine how these relational patterns play out in parenting, leadership, culture wars, political polarization, and the rising social entropy of our digital age. They emphasize that healthy relating is not just about being kind or cooperative—it’s about embodying key qualities that sustain growth: warmth, firmness, flexibility, and resolve.

This conversation is ultimately a call to recognize that relationship is not something we do — it is the fundamental ground of reality itself. By learning how to relate more consciously, we can help shape a more compassionate, creative, and integral future—one conversation, one connection, and one community at a time.

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About Keith Witt

Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is also the founder of The School of Love.

About Corey deVos

Corey W. deVos is editor and producer of Integral Life. He has worked for Integral Institute/Integal Life since Spring of 2003, and has been a student of integral theory and practice since 1996. Corey is also a professional woodworker, and many of his artworks can be found in his VisionLogix art gallery.