The Psychology of Splitting

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How to Recover from a Momentary Lapse of Reason

You are driving along in your car, your mind wandering from one place to the next, when suddenly someone cuts into your lane and causes you to slow down and miss the green light. At that moment, you feel a powerful rage erupt within you. You honk your horn, slam your steering wheel, maybe yell a cuss word or two in order to express your anger. “What an absolute jerk,” you think to yourself.

A moment later, the rage passes, and you find yourself surprised by your own reaction. It was just a mild inconvenience, after all, and for all you know the other car was rushing due to some emergency you couldn’t possibly know about. “Why did I get so angry?” you ask yourself. “Why did I suddenly lose control? Where did all that patience and equanimity and empathy go?”

Don’t worry, it didn’t go anywhere. You simply experienced a temporary state of psychological splitting, a momentary dissociation that all of us have encountered at one time or another.

“Splitting” is a common defense mechanism that allows people to tolerate any number of challenging or even overwhelming emotions, typically by protecting strong negative qualities onto others. Often experienced during adolescence, splitting can also occur in adults during times of high or sudden stress. Typically these states are quickly recognized and regulated by the rest of the self-system after they occur, which are those times when we say to ourselves “whoa, I really lost it there.” For others, particularly people with borderline personality disorder, it can be more difficult to regulate ourselves out of these states, as Dr. Keith explains in this episode.

Although it is often regarded as a pathology, dissociation, says Keith, can also be seen as a human superpower. We dissociate all the time. In fact, you are likely dissociating at this very moment, or else you would be unable to read these words on your screen without a thousand other distractions pulling your attention away. Well-regulated dissociation is what allows us to focus, to concentrate, to locate the signal in the ongoing rush of noise of our day to day lives. The problem, of course, is when we are unable to regulate our dissociative tendencies, which can then lead to conflict, abuse, and harm.

Watch as Dr. Keith and Corey explore the psychological process of splitting, revealing how awareness and regulation of these processes can lead to a more health and healing, as well as to a more integrated and resilient self. By acknowledging the nuanced nature of our emotional responses and learning to navigate them with compassion and mindfulness, we open the door to deeper self-understanding and more harmonious relationships with others.

Key Questions:

Here are some questions you can contemplate while listening to this discussion. We suggest you take some time to use these as journaling prompts.

Self-Reflection on Emotional Responses: What are my typical emotional responses in stressful situations, and how might these be instances of psychological splitting?
Understanding Triggers: Can I identify specific triggers that lead to moments of psychological splitting or intense emotional reactions in my life?
Personal Growth through Emotional Intelligence: How can I develop my emotional intelligence to better recognize, understand, and regulate my emotions during times of stress?
Intrapersonal Awareness: What internal dialogues occur during moments of splitting, and how do they reflect my intrapersonal intelligence?
Impact on Relationships: How do my reactions during emotional extremes affect my relationships, and what role does interpersonal intelligence play in these interactions?
Strategies for Integration: What strategies can I employ to integrate fragmented aspects of myself for a more cohesive self-experience?
Empathy and Understanding: How can I cultivate empathy and understanding towards others who might be experiencing psychological splitting or similar challenges?
Role of Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: In what ways can mindfulness and self-compassion be tools for managing dissociative tendencies and fostering emotional balance?

Related Polarities

Here are some of the most critical polarities to consider while listening to this broadcast.

Differentiation & Integration (click to expand)

Polarity Description

“Evolution acts in the sense of simultaneous and interdependent structuration of the macro- and the micro-world. Complexity thus emerges from the interpenetration of processes of differentiation and integration.” —Erich Jantsch, The Self-Organizing Universe

The polarity of Differentiation and Integration is a fundamental dynamic in Ken Wilber’s Integral Theory, representing the intertwined processes essential for the health, evolution, and complexity of consciousness and systems. Differentiation is the creation of uniqueness and distinction, leading to diversity and individuality within a system. Integration is the synthesis of these diverse elements into a cohesive and functioning whole, fostering unity and interconnectedness. This polarity emphasizes the importance of both diversifying elements to create richness and complexity, and unifying them to form integrated and functional systems. It’s a continual dance of separating and joining, where each process complements and requires the other for holistic development.

Differentiation is the evolutionary process of creating distinct elements or parts within a system. This process is essential for the emergence of diversity, individuality, and complexity. Differentiation allows for the specialization of parts and the introduction of novel features and functions within a system, contributing to its adaptability and evolution. However, when differentiation is not accompanied by adequate integration, it can lead to dissociation, where the distinct parts become disconnected from the larger system, losing sight of their interdependence and role within the whole.

Integration is the counterbalancing force that synthesizes differentiated parts into a coherent whole. It’s not just about creating unity but about achieving a harmonious interrelation of parts within a larger system. This process is evident in the integration of molecules into cells, cells into tissues, and organs into systems. Integration is a universal drive towards unity and cohesion. However, its excess can lead to repression, where the unique qualities of individual parts are denied or suppressed, leading to a pathological homogenization or a “totalizing and dominating Wholeness” that negates the individuality and autonomy of parts.  

“Differentiation produces partness, or a new ‘manyness’; integration produces wholeness, or a new ‘oneness.’ And since holons are whole/parts, they are formed by the joint action of differentiation and integration.” —Ken Wilber, Sex, Ecology, Spirituality

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Supporting members receive full access to extensive integrated and unintegrated polarity descriptions, as well as practice tips to help balance, harmonize, and integrate these polarities.

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Competition & Cooperation (click to expand)

Polarity Description

The polarity of Competition and Cooperation represents a dynamic interplay between individual striving and collective harmony, and can be viewed as a harmonic of the deeper core polarity of Agency and Communion. Competition, reflecting aspects of Agency, drives innovation, personal achievement, and progress by motivating individuals to excel and surpass others. It embodies the essence of self-assertion and individual ambition. In contrast, Cooperation, resonating with the Communion aspect, focuses on teamwork, mutual support, and the pooling of resources and talents for a common goal, emphasizing collective well-being and interconnectedness. While distinct in their expressions, both Competition and Cooperation are essential in different contexts, and their balance is crucial for environments where individual talents and collective strengths are optimally harnessed and integrated.

Competition is the drive to excel beyond others, fostering innovation, ambition, and personal growth. It incentivizes individuals to push their limits, leading to breakthroughs and personal excellence. In competitive environments, the focus is on winning, outperforming others, and being the best. This can stimulate creativity, result in higher standards, and lead to significant individual achievements.

Cooperation emphasizes working together harmoniously for a shared purpose. It cultivates an environment of support, mutual respect, and collective effort. In cooperative settings, the focus is on unity, shared goals, and pooling resources and talents. This leads to a sense of community, shared success, and the ability to achieve complex, multifaceted goals that require diverse skills and perspectives.

Become a supporting member to learn how to integrate this polarity.

Supporting members receive full access to extensive integrated and unintegrated polarity descriptions, as well as practice tips to help balance, harmonize, and integrate these polarities.

The Psychology of Splitting

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How to Recover from a Momentary Lapse of Reason

Key Questions:

Related Polarities

Previous Episodes of Witt & Wisdom

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CANCELLED: The Battle for Free Speech in the Integral Age

From the Cambrian Explosion to the Human Explosion

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Integral Perspectives on Alcoholism

Toward an Integral Meta-Psychotherapy

The Art and Science of the Intentional Love Affair

When Therapists Go Woke

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What Makes Us Happy? Growing Toward Anti-Fragility

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How Attachment Theory Can Improve Your Relationships

Escaping the Comfort Zone: Motivation, Shame, and the Will to Transform

Psychedelic Therapy and the Politics of Consciousness

How Change Works: Supporting Vertical Development

How Healthy Relationships Manage Conflict

Personality as the Base Note of Change Work

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About Keith Witt

About Corey deVos