Basic Proposition: Perfect people are worthy of love and respect.
Primary Avoidance: Error
Focus of Attention: What is right or wrong. Correct or incorrect.
Cognitive Habit: Resentment. Worried irritation at a world gone wrong.
Emotional Vice: Anger
Corresponding Virtue: Serenity
Idealized Self-image: “I am good”
Quality of Higher Being: Perfection
Strengths: Honest, Responsible, Improvement-oriented
Challenges: Overly Critical, Rigid, Judgmental

About Spiritual Presence:

Presence is the simple practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on the next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes type patterns, allowing an inner state to emerge that’s peaceful, physically restorative, and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

If you are a Perfectionist then only you can internally recognize when thoughts turn to judgment and feelings of irritation rise. Here are some commonly reported self-observations from Ones who have applied the mindful relaxation response to their conditioned type reactions. As a One you might recognize some of these cognitive/emotional habits, and use them as a focus for relaxing awareness into the habit, instead of tightening up.

• The ethics of a relationship are reviewed and perfection itself seems at stake. You imagine an idealized relationship. “What are our responsibilities together? What are we learning? What does right relating mean?”
• Attention goes to perfecting the flaws in a relationship. Scorched earth policy when anger is present. The situation looks either black or white – maybe we should call it off.
• Guilt. Pleasure signals anxiety. After all there’s work to be done.
• Once committed and convinced, Ones dig into a relationship with extreme loyalty and validation of the partner.

Relating to Perfectionists

• Do remember details. Ones are detail conscious, they appreciate small gestures: being on time, remembering names, proper introductions.
• Speak respectfully. Make sure no one feels foolish. Ask for permission.
• Notice thrift, effort and dependability. General compliments sound false.
• Cultivate character. Set improvement goals. Don’t flaunt your achievements.
• Admit error immediately. Admission clears the air and prevents resentment.
• Bring novelty and fun to the relationship. Ones tend to repeat what works.
• Avoid power struggles. Ones need to be right, so demonstrate how two right ways can co-exist side by side.
• Maintain your own interests. Ones work long hours on their own.
• Humor is especially helpful. Worry vanishes with gentle humor.

Basic Proposition: Love and survival depend on giving to get.
Primary Avoidance: Own needs
Focus of attention: Needs of others
Cognitive Habit: Flattery. How to impact others by supporting their needs.
Emotional Vice: Pride
Corresponding Virtue: Humility
Idealized Self-image: “I am helpful”
Quality of Higher Being: Serving Higher Will
Strengths: Helpful, Caring, Relationship-oriented
Challenges: Intrusive, Overly Dependent on Approval

About Spiritual Presence

Presence is the simple practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on the next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes type patterns, allowing an inner state to emerge that’s peaceful, physically restorative, and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

If you are a Giver then only you can internally recognize when thoughts focus on how to be indispensable to another, and inflated feelings rise. Here are some commonly reported self- observations from Twos who have applied the relaxation response to their conditioned type reactions. As a Two you might recognize your own version of these cognitive/emotional habits, and use them as a guide for returning awareness to “Now” instead of tightening up.

• Sense of altering self-presentation to meet the needs of different significants.
• Losing a sense of self through empathic adaptation to be what others need.
• Being confused about having “many selves” each adapted to the needs of different significants. “Which one is my actual self?”
• Finding it hard to recognize your own needs. Mind goes blank.
• Seeking out others for inspiration. Imagining their potentials and value. Feeling torn between the safety of giving and craving personal freedom.

Relating to Givers

• Expect big emotions. Rising anger and hysteria are signs of unmet needs. Twos may not know what they want, but get hysterical if they don’t get it.
• Beware: Twos are attracted to relationships with obstacles. A barrier covers the confusion that surrounds actual intimacy.
• Allay the belief that love is contingent on their meeting your needs.
• Be aware that short bursts of superficial feeling scatters concentration. Giddy laughter, hyperactivity and flirtation cover insecurity about needs.
• Gently intervene manipulations. Reassure their actual value in the face of complaints or guilt trips.
• Expect Givers to get irritable when their real needs begin to surface.

Basic Proposition: Love and recognition are only for champions
Primary Avoidance: Failure
Focus of Attention: Tasks, Roles and Image
Cognitive Habit: Vanity (Vainglory). Presenting a winning facade.
Emotional Vice: Deceives self and others
Corresponding Virtue: Honesty
Idealized Self-image: “I am successful”
Quality of Higher Being: Hope
Strengths: Energetic, Adaptable, Achievement-oriented
Challenges: Competitive, Overworked and Impatient

About Spiritual Presence

Presence is the simple practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on the next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes type patterns, allowing the emergence of an inner state that’s peaceful, physically restorative, and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

If you are a Performer then only you can inwardly know when thoughts focus on how you’re coming across to others, and a competitive need to persuade them takes hold. Here are some commonly reported self-observations from Threes who have applied the relaxation response to their conditioned type patterns. As a Three you might recognize your own version of these cognitive/emotional habits, and use them as a guide for returning awareness to “Now” instead of tightening up.

• Wondering if you’re acceptable without something impressive to show.
• Seeing relationship as an important performance. A task to undertake.
• Shape shifting into an image that impacts and persuades others.
• Self-deception. Confusing own emotions with those attached to a role.
• Avoiding free time that could let authentic feelings surface.
• Believing that status and material objects will secure a relationship.

Relating to Performers

• Threes expect recognition for a winning image and style. Reinforce regard for the person, separate from what they do.
• Understand that Threes confuse ideas about emotion with the real thing.
• Hold fast when genuine feelings emerge. They are tenuous and confused: “Do I have the right one?” “Am I doing this right?” Focus on the actual emotion, remember that “I don’t know what I feel” is a feeling response.
• Expect intolerance of darker emotions and tuning out negative feedback. Expect them to speed up during difficulty. Slowing down feels like failure.
• No quick fixes. Set a schedule for problem solving – interspersed with upbeat activity. Do not get upset by solving problems a little bit at a time.

Basic Proposition: Others enjoy the happiness that I have been denied.
Primary Avoidance: The commonplace
Focus of Attention: Best in what’s missing. Worst of what’s here.
Cognitive Habit: Melancholia. The sadness of life.
Emotional Vice: Envy
Corresponding Virtue: Equanimity (Emotional Balance)
Idealized Self-image: “I am unique and special”
Quality of Higher Being: Spiritual Absorption
Strengths: Creative, Empathic, Idealistic
Challenges: Envy, Moodiness, Self-Absorption, Unrealistic

About Spiritual Presence

Presence is the simple practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on the next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes type patterns, allowing an inner state to emerge that’s peaceful, physically restorative, and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

Presence comes about in small ways whenever we are captured by the moment. Being surprised, being interested, being involved are daily states of mind that foreground a single object of attention while back grounding everything else.

If you are a Romantic then only you can know when thinking turns to what’s missing in life and disappointment takes hold. Here are some commonly reported self-observations from Fours who have applied the relaxation response to their conditioned type patterns. As a Four you might recognize your own version of these cognitive/emotional habits, and use them as a guide for returning awareness to “Now” rather than falling into habit.

• Feeling like an actor in your own life. Waiting for real life to begin.
• Imagining future fulfillment through relationship. Not being here.
• Alienation. Sense of being different from the people around you.
• Impatience with the realities of life. Preferring inner intensity.
• Compelling identification with other people’s emotional states.
• Pulling for what’s missing. Pushing away when it finally comes.

Relating to Romantics

• Expect mood shifts that are unrelated to what you do or don’t do.
• Fours are reassured by your steady mindedness under pressure.
• Expect pursuit when you are distant, push away when you’re here.
• Stay grounded in your own degree of availability.
• Expect complaints when life gets predictable. Keep life juicy.
• Hold fast during emotional storms. It’s about needing intensity.

Basic Proposition: Love and respect are gained by practicing self-sufficiency.
Primary Avoidance: Intrusion
Focus of Attention: What others expect. To blocking intrusion and detaching to observe.
Cognitive Habit: Detachment
Emotional Vice: Avarice
Corresponding Virtue: Non-attachment
Idealized Self-image: “I am wise”
Quality of Higher Being: Omniscience
Strengths: Scholarly, Analytical, Self-Reliant
Challenges: Withholding self from others, Emotionally detached, Isolated

About Spiritual Presence

Being mindful of what is actually happening “Now” will relax attention to what is coming next. Being here and “Now” relaxes automatic behavior, giving us a choice about our actions, instead of acting mechanically. By resting awareness in the long pause of “Now”, an inner state can emerge that is peaceful, physically restorative, and permanently present whenever the barriers to it relax.

If you are an Observer then only you can tell when an inner contraction takes hold. When your thoughts seem withheld from being spoken and your energy drains away. Only you can witness the inner cues of going on automatic, the sudden shift from being engaged to watching yourself in the engagement. Here are some frequently reported self-observations from Fives who practice being Present. As a Five you might recognize these patterns and use them as a focus for staying here and “Now” – instead of going away.

• Sense of being separate from others, being invisible, going silent.
• Fiercely guarding your independence. Not sharing yourself.
• Non-involvement is the preferred state. Feeling either love or hate requires involvement. Your own emotions are intrusive.
• Sense of watching life from the viewpoint of an outside observer.

Relating to Observers

• Be prepared to carry the conversation until you find a point of common interest. Shared interests are pivotal. Shared information is a bond.
• Fives bring clarity to confusion. They are loyal friends, so long as the central focus is about your life.
• Expect Fives to tighten their belt during hardship rather than ask for help.
• Fives respect your self-sufficiency and emotional control.
• Your expectations feel like a burden. Your independence is a relief.
• Intimacy is often expressed in non-verbal ways. Enter this worldview.
• Remember that emotional non-involvement is the stance. Therefore, “negatives” like possessiveness may be signs of caring, as well as “positives” such as tenderness and time spent together.

Basic Proposition: Love and protection are gained by vigilance and endurance.
Primary Avoidance: Uncertainty
Focus of Attention: Hazard
Cognitive Habit: Doubt
Emotional Vice: Fear
Corresponding Virtue: Courage
Idealized Self-image: “I am loyal”
Quality of Higher Being: Faith
Strengths: Bonded, Attentive, Perceptive
Challenges: Procrastinating, Reactive, Doubtful

About Spiritual Presence

Presence is the simple practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on the next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes the familiar flow of habit, allowing an inner state to emerge that’s peaceful, physically restorative, and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

Presence comes about in small ways whenever we are captured by the moment. Being surprised, being curious and being involved are states of mind that foreground a single object of attention while back grounding everything else.

If you are a Loyal Skeptic then only you can know when thinking shifts to doubt and anxiety fixates on will happen next. Here are some commonly reported self-reflections from Sixes who are mindful of their ego patterns. As a Six you may find that your own version of these reports can function as a useful guide for returning to “Now” instead of being afraid.

• Anxiety peaks near the point of success, which will make you a target.
• Amnesia about pleasure and success. Wants to be reminded.
• Seeking an authority’s protection or rebelling against them.
• Strong under adversity. Identifies with underdog causes, leader of the opposition party. Asks the hard questions to eliminate skepticism and doubt.

Relating to Loyal Skeptics

• Expect shifts of mood as certainty shifts to doubt and back again.
• Spontaneous reassurance, romance and a surprise will work wonders.
• Sixes identify the problem areas of a relationship. Recognizing the issues doesn’t require immediate change, but denial creates mistrust.
• Sixes can attribute their own feelings to others. You can seem to be angry or withholding if your Six feels that way. A clear statement of your position is hugely reassuring.
• Your Six wants to affect you in relationship. They need to know they have value in your eyes. In return you get enduring loyalty and support.

Basic Proposition: Frustration can be avoided by attending to positive options.
Primary Avoidance: Discomfort and Pain
Focus of Attention: Positive possibilities in all things
Cognitive Habit: Planning
Emotional Vice: Gluttony
Corresponding Virtue: Constancy of purpose
Idealized Self-image: “I’m OK”
Quality of Higher Being: Participation in the full spectrum of being
Strengths: Optimistic, Fun-loving, Positive Visioning
Challenges: Scattered, Impulsive, Self-Referencing

About Spiritual Presence

Presence is the practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on the next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes familiar thoughts and feelings, allowing the emergence of a peaceful inner state that is physically restorative and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

Being present comes about in small ways whenever attention is captured by the moment. Being surprised, being curious, and being involved are states of mind that foreground a single object of attention while back grounding everything else

If you are an Epicure then only you can know when a burst of imagination carries you away from what is actually taking place. Here are some commonly reported self-reflections from Sevens who are mindful of their ego patterns. As a Seven you may find that your own version of these reports can function as a useful guide for returning to “Now” instead of planning for “Next.”

• Charm and Disarm to avoid discomfort. Talk, plans and imagination as distractions from self-reflection.
• Feelings of “boredom” or “limitation” as a mask for emotional confusion.
• Inner confusion between ideas and actualities.
• Self-referencing “I’m OK.” Assumption that others enjoy the Seven’s agenda. Not in touch with other people’s pain.
• Superior/Inferior dichotomy. Feels either entitled or less than.

Relating to Epicures

• Expect to feel either adored or ignored. Sevens like relationships that mirror their own high self-esteem. They tend to dismiss or ridicule limits.
• Acutely sensitive to criticism. State the good news before what’s difficult.
• Try to go with the flow of good feelings. Timing and your pleasant delivery will frame problems as challenges rather than burdens.
• Mutual happiness and creativity is a must. Make Sevens instrumental in constructively supporting your own well being and independence.

Basic Proposition: Love and respect are gained by being strong and just.
Primary Avoidance: Vulnerability
Focus of Attention: Power and control
Cognitive Habit: Balancing the scales of justice. Vengeance.
Emotional Vice: Excess (Lust).
Corresponding Virtue: Innocence (Receptivity)
Idealized Self-image: “I am powerful”
Quality of Higher Being: Truth
Strengths: Bold, Assertive, Action-oriented
Challenges: Domineering, Excessive, Controlling

About Spiritual Presence

Presence is the simple practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on a next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes thoughts and emotion, permitting the emergence of a peaceful inner state that is physically restorative and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

Being present comes about in small ways whenever attention is captured by the moment. Being surprised, being curious, and being involved are states of mind that foreground a single object of attention, while back grounding everything else.

If you are a Protector then only you can sense the energetic surge that propels your need for control. Here are some commonly reported self-reflections from Eights who are mindful of their ego patterns. Finding your own version of their patterns can serve as a useful guide for relaxing into the present moment – instead of acting through habit.

• Control of personal possessions and space. Needing to control whatever affects you.
• Initial rejection of other viewpoints masks a fear of being disadvantaged.
• Compromise can feel like surrender.
• Preoccupation with justice issues. Who has the power and will they be fair?
• Boundary issues – sees others as controlling and acts in self-defense.
• Limits – Sees rules as controlling. Tests limits and consequences.
• Confuses own version of truth with objective truth and justice.
• Softer emotions such as trust and attachment appear when it’s safe.
• An all or nothing style of attention with a focus on extremes. You’re either fair or not fair. Either a warrior or a wimp. No middle ground.

Relating to Protectors

• Expect to be tested. Eights want your strength, vitality and independence in relationship.
• Contact is essential. Bonding through high adventure and shared difficulty.
• Anger flares quickly, is easily expressed, and just as easily forgotten once its protective function is served.
• Anger may be a request for deeper connection. Anger clarifies a confused relationship by surfacing authentic emotions. The truth comes out in a fight.
• Eights can retreat into an all or nothing world. Your ambivalence feels threatening.
• Low tolerance for ambiguity or misinformation turns your small oversights into major betrayals. Make sure that Eights are fully informed. Put all your cards on the table.
• Expect periods of strict control followed by disobedience bouts. Eights make the rules and they get to break them.
• Your Eight can be a rallying point, a tower of strength under pressure.

Basic Proposition: Love and belonging are earned by blending in with other people’s agendas.
Primary Avoidance: Conflict
Focus of attention: Environmental distractions. Primary distraction is other people’s wants & needs.
Cognitive habit: Indolence. Considers all sides of a question. Obsessive inner rumination.
Emotional Vice: Self-Forgetting (spiritual listlessness).
Corresponding Virtue: Right Action
Idealized Self-image: “I am peaceful”
Quality of Higher Being: Love
Strengths: Accepting, Calming, Steady, Bonded
Challenges: Ambivalent, Forgets own agenda, Self-deprecating, Passive-aggressive

About Spiritual Presence

Presence is the practice of returning awareness to “Now” that quiets the mind’s automatic focus on the next moment in time. Being mindful of “Now” relaxes cognitive/emotional habits, allowing a quiet inner state to emerge, that is physically restorative and permanently present whenever the barriers to it recede.

Being present comes about in small ways whenever attention is captured by the moment. Being surprised, being curious, and being involved are states of mind that foreground a single object of attention while back grounding everything else.

If you are a Mediator then only you can know when attention slips into seeing all sides of a question and blending with other people’s experience. Here are some commonly reported self- reflections from Nines who are mindful of their ego patterns. As a Nine you may find that your own version of these reports can function as a useful guide for returning attention to Now instead of allowing yourself to distract.

• Wanting to spend “a few minutes” on inessentials leads to loss of focus on priorities.
• Self-forgetting starts with sensing and imagining what someone else is feeling, thinking, doing.
• Ambivalence invades choice. “Do I agree or disagree?” Why set a priority? Does it matter? Knowing what’s amiss in relationship while seeing how it’s OK from the other guy’s position.
• Conflict avoidance. Going along to keep the peace. Retreating from signs of an argument.
• The bind: Going with others means losing yourself. Opposing others means losing them.
• Building inner anger about not getting needs met. Anger equals separation.
• Hard to say “No”. Hard to be the one to go. Wait it out.
• Control by going stubborn. Not responding. Passive aggressive tactics. Non-cooperation.

Relating to Mediators

• Nine didn’t say “no” so you thought it was “yes.” Make sure to draw out their preference.
• Expect Nines to say back what you need to hear. This doesn’t mean that it’s what they want.
• Your needs seem louder and more significant than their own.
• Choice surfaces by process of elimination: Nines know what they don’t want, not what they do.
• Lighten the burden of choice. Pushing Nines to choose adds to their burden. Not being asked feels like being overlooked. Notice simple things that they like and participate with them.
• Under pressure, expect a retreat into the routine mechanics of relating. Nines forget themselves in familiar routine, which is often shaped to please another.
• Once a priority surfaces, it needs a solid structure to succeed. It takes so much effort to identify the priority that structure gets left out. A clear program, a way forward, deadlines to meet.
• Appreciation is paramount. Nines participate in other people’s lives. They need us to notice.