What Is a Man (And Why Does It Matter?)

Keith Martin-SmithBuddha In Therapy, Cognitive, Gender, Interpersonal, Perspectives, Psychosexual, Self-Identity, Sex & Gender, Video 11 Comments

What is a man? Vulnerable? Gentle? Powerful? Big biceps? Tall? Strong? Innovative? Loyal? Logical?

On the Left, more and more say a man is whatever you want it to be — penis or vagina, boobs or pecs, loaded with testosterone or almost none of it, masculine or feminine — it makes no difference. A man, or a woman, is a form of self-identity, freed from any biological constraints. If you say you’re a man, it’s my job to accept it and society’s job to validate it.

On the Right, more and more say that a man, or a woman, are constrained by their biology if not outright defined by it, and all of this talk of “identity” runs the range from irritating to an existential threat on traditional gender roles. Conservatives say that a man and woman are defined by their biology first and foremost, and that there is no burying or obfuscating that truth.

Who should we believe?

Let’s go deeper:

Be sure to check out the followup discussion with Corey deVos and Keith Martin-Smith, titled Sex, Gender, Identity: Beyond Wokism and Trumpism, where Keith and Corey carefully track sex, gender, and identity as fundamental aspects of the self that can exist in a state of fusion, differentiation, dissociation, or integration, depending on the developmental stage(s) the question is being asked from.

Keith has also posted a longer written piece about these topics, which you can find here.

Text by Keith Martin-Smith
Images and maps by Corey deVos


Related Polarities

Here are some of the most critical polarities to consider while listening to this broadcast.




Keith Martin-Smith’s When The Buddha Needs Therapy is now shipping!

It is possible to be liberated from the suffering of this world, but the path is a paradoxical one of embracing your ego even as you let it go. If you seek true liberation and freedom from the seemingly endless strife of life, you’re in the right place.

Purchase on Amazon




Previous Episodes of Buddha In Therapy

The Lost Art of Adulthood: Reviving Our Rites of Passage

The Lost Art of Adulthood: Reviving Our Rites of Passage

In this episode, Keith and Luke Entrup discuss the necessity of reintroducing formal rites of passage for our children, not as a fun thing to do with your kid but as something vital for their development – a piece most of us missed and have had to make up for throughout our lives.
The Seven Deadly Sins of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion)

The Seven Deadly Sins of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion)

Join Keith Martin-Smith as we question whether DEI initiatives are achieving their intended goals of increasing diversity, equity, and inclusion, or whether they may be perpetuating any number of unseen biases that take us further away from those shared goals. Are we oversimplifying the narrative around privilege and diversity? How do factors like poverty impact issues like police violence? How might we rethink and reshape the DEI discourse, moving towards more skillful (and more integral) approaches?
How to Awaken and Empower the Integral Man

How to Awaken and Empower the Integral Man

Keith Martin-Smith and Jason Lange explore the challenges and ongoing evolution of masculinity. Watch as they delve into topics such as the impact of societal norms on men's behavior, the importance of emotional intelligence, and the journey from traditional to more integrated forms of masculinity, bringing a wealth of insights to help men navigate their roles and identities in a rapidly changing social landscape.
The Power of Vulnerability: Embracing an Integrated Masculinity

The Power of Vulnerability: Embracing an Integrated Masculinity

In this insightful discussion, Keith Martin-Smith addresses the misconceptions around male vulnerability, emphasizing its role as a source of strength and authenticity. He explores the transformative impact of embracing vulnerability on men's emotional health, relationships, and societal perceptions of masculinity.
Sex, Identity, Gender: Beyond Wokism and Trumpism

Sex, Identity, Gender: Beyond Wokism and Trumpism

Join us as we push even further into the front lines of the culture war skirmishes that have become so plentiful over the last several years. Corey deVos joins Keith to discuss how our notions of sex, gender, and identity apply to some of the most contentious and pressing issues of our time, and how they can be integrated into a more integral dialectic.
Shadow, Trauma, and Attachment: Why Do Spiritual Teachers Keep Messing Up?

Shadow, Trauma, and Attachment: Why Do Spiritual Teachers Keep Messing Up?

If spiritual teachers are so “awake” and “enlightened”, why do so many of them get caught with their shadow hanging out? Watch as Keith Martin-Smith offers a stunning overview of shadow, trauma, and attachment disorders, and how they can corrupt both our mental health and our spiritual awakening.
Shadows of Development

Shadows of Development

Join Keith Martin-Smith and Kim Barta for an exclusive discussion as they delve into the world of shadow and ego development. Kim is a seasoned therapist, coach, and educator with over 40 years of experience who has dedicated his career to the resolution of shadow material. His unique perspective on the intersection of development, trauma, and attachment disorders combines the best of developmental psychology with depth psychology.
The Highest Stages of Conscious Development

The Highest Stages of Conscious Development

Terri O'Fallon and Keith Martin-Smith dive into a deeper and more detailed exploration of Terri's STAGES model, focusing on a smaller section of the model: stages 3.0 – 6.0 (roughly Amber/Orange to Turquoise/Indigo). Terri outlines what makes each level of her model unique from the last, what causes people to shift from one level to another, as well as what the mature expressions look like for 3.0, 4.0, and 5.0 stages.
Perspectives on Development: Introducing the STAGES Model

Perspectives on Development: Introducing the STAGES Model

Terri O’Fallon takes us on a guided journey through her STAGES model, an integrally based development model that charts human development from infancy to the highest levels of development that humans are capable of. Terri’s research is based in the number of perspectives a person can take (1st through 7th) – and she explains how different levels of fluency with these perspectives can often cause us to talk “past” or “over” one another, and how familiarizing ourselves with these perspectives can help us stop doing that.
How to Build a Conscious Community

How to Build a Conscious Community

Keith Martin-Smith talks with Dr. John Churchill about the themes in Keith's latest book, When the Buddha Needs Therapy: shadow and awakening, the problem and promise of spiritual communities, the state-stage model as it relates to trauma and growth, narcissism and other personality disorders inside of spirituality, the power and trap of lineage, and what a fully Western version of an awakened spiritual path might look like.
Therapy & Awakening: A New Integration

Therapy & Awakening: A New Integration

Keith Martin-Smith speaks with Chad Bennett, a psychotherapist and ordained Zen priest, about why our existing ideas of therapy are often limited and keep us bound inside of the therapeutic relationship, unable to learn the skills necessary to continue our own growth towards psychological wholeness.
Who Awakens? How to Be Free From Your Freedom

Who Awakens? How to Be Free From Your Freedom

In this talk, Keith Martin-Smith dives into some topics of particular interest to those on a spiritual path. He first addresses the question head on: what is awakening, exactly? To answer this, he presents the listeners with a Zen koan, or riddle: Who awakens?
Keith Martin-Smith

About Keith Martin-Smith

Keith Martin-Smith is an award-winning author, writing coach, and Zen priest. He is passionate about human connection, creativity, and evolution. His books include "The Mysterious Divination of Tea Leaves", "A Heart Blown Open", and "The Heart of Zen". His most recent book is his first novel, "Only Everything", a novel that explores the promise and the pain of following an artist's path.