Loving Completely — How to Show Up More Fully in Your Relationships

Keith Witt Conversations, Free, Integral Live, Love & Intimacy, Perspectives, Video 11 Comments


Do You Want A More Fulfilling Marriage & Lifelong Love Affair?

Wouldn’t you like to know — quickly, easily and succinctly — what the very best of science tells us about how to have amazing, life-changing relationships, intimacy and sex?

Loving Completely is your guide.

In Dr. Keith Witt’s new book, Loving Completely: A Five Star Practice for Creating Great Relationships, we explore the five most critical strategies to make your relationships as healthy and fulfilling as possible, and discover new depths of connection, intimacy, and attraction.

Learn How to Love More Completely

Loving Completely is an absolutely essential addition to your integral library. Get your copy today!

Order now!

“Why is it that 40 percent of U.S. adults report chronic loneliness and over 60 percent of self-reported lonely people are married and live with a spouse? Why is it that 37 percent of U.S. adults answered, ‘Yes,’ to ‘Has marriage not worked out for most people you know?’

The answer is that satisfying modern relationships are complicated and demanding in ways that are regularly difficult to understand and deal with.

That’s why this is a different kind of relationship book. Not only do I explain why we know so much about intimacy and still have to struggle so hard to be consistently fulfilled, but I’ll tell you what to do about it when the inevitable problems arise.” —Dr. Keith Witt

This is a different kind of relationship book. Acclaimed relationship therapist Dr. Keith Witt presents five key questions that serve as a baseline for understanding why we know so much about intimacy, yet still have to struggle so hard to be consistently fulfilled.

In an intriguing, conversational journey based on real-life experiences of his own life and the many couples he has successfully counseled, he offers clarity and exercises for dealing with the inevitable problems arise in all the common areas such as, sex, choosing superior partners, self-care, communication, dealing with crises, parenting, managing finances with another person, balancing personal passions and purpose with the demands of intimacy, and spirituality.

Learn How to Love More Completely

Loving Completely is an absolutely essential addition to your integral library. Get your copy today!

Order now!
Previous  Episodes  of  Witt  &  Wisdom
An Integral Understanding of Suicide

An Integral Understanding of Suicide

Health & Wellness Perspectives Psychology The Daily Evolver Video Witt & Wisdom: Live with Dr. Keith
Suicide has been in existence as long as self-aware consciousness has been in existence. The gift of self-aware consciousness included the capacity for humans to anticipate and understand the inevitability of their own deaths, and all gifts come with a price. In this series of videos, Dr. Keith Witt talks to Jeff Salzman and Corey deVos about bringing a more integral understanding and compassion to the topic of suicide.
Watch Now
Integral Intimacy: A Beginner’s Guide

Integral Intimacy: A Beginner’s Guide

Love & Intimacy Perspectives Video Witt & Wisdom: Live with Dr. Keith
Dr. Keith and Corey explore the basic architecture of Integral intimacy in relationships, offering a simple roadmap for any couples who would like to level up their relationship.
Watch Now
The Art of the Love Affair

The Art of the Love Affair

Love & Intimacy Perspectives Presentations Video Witt & Wisdom: Live with Dr. Keith
Dr. Keith Witt explores the art of the love affair — how they happen, how to avoid them from occurring outside of your committed relationship, and how to deal with and heal from secret affairs.
Watch Now
+View All
Keith Witt

About Keith Witt

Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is also the founder of The School of Love.

Corey deVos

About Corey deVos

Corey W. deVos is the proverbial "man behind the curtain". He is Editor-in-Chief of Integral Life, as well as Managing Editor of KenWilber.com. He has worked for Integral Institute/Integal Life since Spring of 2003, and has been a student of integral theory and practice since 1996.

Notable Replies

  1. Enso says:

    By actually believing this, you put yourself in a very passive role. You can’t do anything about it because you think the problem is completely external. So you are basically a helpless victim that is fully dependent on other people to „fix“ this issue. Now, if you continue to believe this story that you have telling yourself for probably a long time, very likely nothing will change.

    So instead, you could change your statement as follows:

    So far it has been impossible for me to find women who are genuinely interested in cultivating a healthy relationship (with me).

    With this small change you put yourself back in an active role which is the first step in the right direction…

  2. Kensho says:

    I too have found difficulty in cultivating a healthy relationship, actually any relationship at all for probably 5 years or more now. I became so interested in spirit that I have allowed relationship and life situation go down the tubes. Now I am being reintroduced into relationship, thanks to Ken pointing out the importance of 1st 2nd 3rd perspectives. I’m approaching relationship as a spiritual practice, not just with a partner but with friends family etc, and am finding the road to be exciting. Love relationships though are very tricky for me because there is some shadow elements within me regarding my sexual orientation. It is very subtle but I find it is like a splinter that doesn’t come out, when I am with women. I feel unfulfilled in another type of way with men. It sort of leads to this confusing duality, where I don’t know where I belong, and it forces me into a stalemate with relationships. I am taking an active role now however in addressing the shadow multidimensionally, both with women and men.
    This shadow element within me has caused so much trouble. And I think is holding me back from enjoying my life. I don’t really know how to move forward but I think that Keiths Book will be helpful in learning what a healthy relationship looks like and where it should strive to go.
    Gnosisman, start with baby steps, but move forward. Sometimes we have to start from the bottom, and learn as if we are children. Have the humility, curiosity, and compassion as you move, and rest your soul along the way, a little more, and a little more. You will grow in this way, and you will find broader vistas of peace and fulfillment.

  3. Enso says:

    It’s not really about positive thinking. Rather, this will be a natural outcome of „neutral thinking“.

    For me that’s the key sentence of your post. While reading the first two paragraphs I had the feeling that you are not really satisfied with your current life situation. Particularly with your social life. If that’s actually true, it would probably be the best to make this your first priority as I think that this is generally much more important than an intimate relationship.

    It seems to me that you are pretty sure that there is only one alternative option, how it would look like and that it will be (too) difficult. But I’m pretty sure that are actually more (good) options of which you are currently not aware of.

  4. How old are you Enso? 15, 16? You find fault in what I’m saying but no credit for what I said as being true.
    I’m 62 years old. I’ve had my share of disappointments in life and the worst one is the lie I was told about romantic love. Let me know when you find yourself in deep existential despair caused by the shocking realization that what you thought was true about love, religion, and politics are all f**king illusions to keep us dumb, stupid, obedient, and complacent. Until then, you are still under control of our cultural conditioning and you don’t know the degree in which it controls you. We don’t live in a vacuum. The society in which we live has adverse effects to our emotional and psychological well being and far more than you realize. Hence trying to be sane in an often insane world is not as rosy as you paint it with positive affirmations.
    In Dr Witt’s book he says

    “satisfying modern relationships are complicated and demanding in ways that are regularly difficult to understand and dealt with”

    No s*it, Dr. Witt. Tell me something I don’t know, like the degree in which narratives, be they amorous, religious, or political already have us deeply brainwashed. Like automatons, we are programmed by them hence behave accordingly so how can you possibly teach anyone about “loving completely” if they are completely unaware of the degree in which their social programming has royally screwed them over? For Christ sake, Alain’s is telling us about this! Where is Dr. Witt on it? Where’s Integral on it? There is nothing in his book that says anything about the dangers of illusions or as Hannah Arendt said, image-making; her quote below applies to religion and amorous love as well. As far as I know, no one in Integral life has said anything at depth about the dangers narratives can have in the human mind and that the collective mind of humanity is ALREADY infected by these narratives. But here comes Dr. Witt who puts the onus solely on his readers for the misery they are in and says nothing about the f**ked up world we are living in -as if it had nothing to do with human suffering!
    You would think that, being integrally aware, Dr. Witt should know better. His book ends up being just another self help book that talks ad-nauseam ABOUT loving completely and nothing about the political and social economic forces that continually dehumanize any efforts we make towards that which he is advocating. Needless to say, I will not be buying his book. Erich Fromm he’s not.


  5. I think some of your takeaways here are a bit unfair, and you are expecting something from Keith that is well beyond the scope of this particular book.

    We’ve actually talked a great deal about this over the last year or so, particularly how some aspects of “love” seem to be universally true through all eras of human history, and how other aspects are very much influenced by various pressures in our contemporary culture and society.

    Simply not true. Again, this topic has come up many times in my monthly discussions with Keith. But that is outside the scope of this book. In fact, I would suggest that the incel community, which you self-identified with in your first comment, has their own deeply-entrenched and highly-dangerous narratives – some of which I seemed to recognize in your subsequent comments. And this book, in my view, is a remedy for much of the toxicity that exists in the incel community.

    Again, we have discussed many of the political and economic forces that influence our relationships and love affairs over the months. But this is beyond the scope of his book — which, by the way, certainly does not just “talk ad-nauseam ABOUT loving completely”. I think that is a mischaracterization of the book. If anything, it is based on actual practice — practices that you can do with your partner, or that you can do on your own. It doesn’t talk ABOUT loving completely, it talks AS loving completely. YMMV, of course, but I think you should give the book a fair reading before writing Keith’s work off completely.

Continue the discussion at community.integrallife.com

6 more replies