Men today lack positive models of masculinity. We have cut-off and repressed archetypes on one side, and overly sensitive and ineffective ones on the other. The cost of this is taking its toll on men’s health, longevity, and overall happiness.

Most men are closed off to their deeper care of themselves and the world. They are often afraid of their anger, or don’t understand it. They’ve never experienced the clarity of anger, and how the two  — clarity and anger — are powerfully different. Problems with wives and partners and work and kids all seem intractable. They self-soothe by tuning out with alcohol, TV, excessive exercise, social media, or video games. And their lives pass them by.

Most men don’t know how to communicate in a way that gets them more of what they want. They posture to cover up their vulnerability (which exists in all humans but is often unconscious for them) — or they collapse into it and wallow in being a victim. One kind of man suffers silently, cut off, and never feels much except anger and disappointment. The other one whines about how nothing is his fault, and never accomplishes much of anything.

There is a way out.

In this insightful discussion, Keith Martin-Smith addresses the misconceptions around male vulnerability, emphasizing its role as a source of strength and authenticity. He explores the transformative impact of embracing vulnerability on men’s emotional health, relationships, and societal perceptions of masculinity. This episode offers a roadmap for redefining masculinity, guiding men towards a more fulfilling and authentic expression of themselves, breaking free from the constraints of traditional stereotypes.

Text by Keith Martin-Smith
Images and maps by Corey deVos

Related Polarities

Here are some of the most critical polarities to consider while listening to this broadcast.

Vulnerability & Strength (click to expand)

Polarity Description

The polarity of Vulnerability and Strength encapsulates a fundamental human dynamic, weaving together the deeply caring sensibilities of vulnerability with the robustness of strength. This polarity reflects the nuanced understanding that true strength often requires the courage to be vulnerable. Vulnerability, in this context, is not about weakness, but about the bravery to expose one’s true self, emotions, and experiences, even when there is a risk of being hurt or misunderstood. Strength, conversely, is not merely physical or assertive power, but also the resilience and fortitude to face challenges, including showing one’s own vulnerabilities. Together, these poles form a complementary pair, each enhancing and deepening the other. True strength is fortified by the humility and openness of vulnerability, while vulnerability is empowered by the courage and resilience that strength provides.   Vulnerability is the willingness to openly express emotions, thoughts, and experiences without fear of judgment or rejection. It involves a level of openness and honesty that can feel risky or uncomfortable, as it exposes the individual to potential criticism or harm. However, this very act of opening up is what fosters deeper connections, empathy, and understanding. Vulnerability is a powerful tool for authentic communication, fostering trust and intimacy in relationships. It is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous act of showing one’s true self, with all its complexities and imperfections.   Strength in this polarity is more than physical might; it is the inner resilience and fortitude to face life’s challenges. It encompasses the ability to stand firm, make decisions, and act confidently, even in the face of adversity. Strength is also about providing support and protection, both to oneself and to others. It involves a level of self-assuredness and conviction that enables an individual to navigate difficult situations with composure and determination. True strength is flexible and adaptable, able to show firmness when needed but also compassion and understanding.

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Polarities represent the inherent tensions present in every situation, from individual beliefs to social challenges to global dynamics. Learning how to recognize and integrate these polarities can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth, moving us closer to integral understanding and skillful action.

Each week, you can explore new maps that delve into specific polarities, offering a path toward greater integration and balance in your life and in your world. Supporting members can access extensive polarity descriptions, as well as practices to help manage, harmonize, and integrate these polarities.

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Aspiration & Acceptance (click to expand)

Polarity Description

The polarity of Acceptance and Aspiration embodies the fundamental human experience of navigating between embracing the present and striving for future possibilities. This polarity encapsulates the essence of human consciousness that fluctuates between being content with what is and yearning for what could be. It reflects a deep psychological and existential tension: the need to find peace in the current state of existence while holding onto the inherent human drive to seek improvement, progress, or change. This polarity is crucial in personal development, spiritual practices, and even societal evolution, where the interplay of being satisfied with the current moment and aspiring for a better future shapes the trajectory of growth and fulfillment.   Acceptance is the recognition and embracement of reality as it is. It involves understanding and coming to terms with current situations, feelings, or outcomes without resistance or denial. This pole emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, being present in the moment, and finding peace with what exists now. It’s about letting go of the struggle against the unchangeable and finding serenity in the current state of affairs.   Aspiration represents the drive to improve, grow, or change. It is about setting goals, dreaming big, and working towards a better future. This pole is characterized by motivation, ambition, and the desire for progress, whether personal, professional, or societal. Aspiration is the force that propels individuals to move beyond their comfort zones and seek greater fulfillment or accomplishment.

Become a supporting member to learn how to integrate this polarity.

Supporting members receive full access to extensive polarity descriptions, as well as practice tips to help balance, harmonize, and integrate these polarities.

Polarities represent the inherent tensions present in every situation, from individual beliefs to social challenges to global dynamics. Learning how to recognize and integrate these polarities can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth, moving us closer to integral understanding and skillful action. Each week you can explore new maps that delve into specific polarities, offering a path toward greater integration and balance in your life and in your world.

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Keith Martin-Smith’s When The Buddha Needs Therapy is now shipping!

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About Keith Martin-Smith

Keith Martin-Smith is an award-winning author, writing coach, and Zen priest. He is passionate about human connection, creativity, and evolution. His books include "The Mysterious Divination of Tea Leaves", "A Heart Blown Open", and "The Heart of Zen". His most recent book is his first novel, "Only Everything", a novel that explores the promise and the pain of following an artist's path.

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