Escaping the Comfort Zone: Motivation, Shame, and the Will to Transform

Dr. Keith Witt Defenses, How can I feel happy and fulfilled in my life?, Intrapersonal, Psychology, Video, Volitional, Witt & Wisdom: Live with Dr. Keith 9 Comments


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How do we cultivate the will to transform?

How can we consciously step out of the safety of our comfort zones, and into our greater purpose and potential?

Dr. Keith and Corey explore the complex psychology of motivation — the various sticks and carrots we use to get out of bed in the morning and keep ourselves moving forward in our lives, sustaining the inertia we need to push us through any number of hardships, setbacks, and growth opportunities.

And of course these sources of motivation are as multifaceted as the human mind itself. We can notice interior motivations and exterior motivations, individual and collective motivations, motivations to feel more whole, motivations to feel like we are part of a greater whole, etc. — all focused, enacted, and enforced in very different ways at each stage of development.

So how do we as integralists navigate and reconcile this vast array of motivations, both within us and outside of us? How can we better align ourselves with our deepest, most purposeful motivations so that we can more fully contribute our gifts to the world? Watch as Dr. Keith and Corey explore these questions, and more.


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Dr. Keith Witt

About Keith Witt

Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is also the founder of The School of Love.

Corey deVos

About Corey deVos

Corey W. deVos is Editor-in-Chief of Integral Life, as well as Managing Editor of KenWilber.com. He has worked for Integral Institute/Integal Life since Spring of 2003, and has been a student of integral theory and practice since 1996. Corey is also a professional woodworker, and many of his artworks can be found in his VisionLogix art gallery.

Notable Replies

  1. I think the discussion of shame could be refined if y’all made a distinction between shame and guilt. Shame is something, as you imply, that comes from outside. I associate it with pre-conventional morality. If I my breach does not get detected, no shame. I like Erikson’s developmental model. It’s probably approximately right. In the second year the child begins to see that there some things it has no problem with, like smearing its shit all over the place, but its patents don’t like. Shame. By the third year the child has internalized this value and shames itself: guilt.

  2. @Stephen_Boyd, I’m also an Erikson fan, but with the specific addition of George Vaillant’s stage of Career Consolidation. (I teach workforce skills to adults, so that stage is pretty necessary for my practice). A deeper dive into shame vs. guilt from Eriksonian and other perspectives would be interesting. Interesting especially in how this might relate to the many other rich themes in the video that started this thread. There is a lot to unpack in the video!

    Resisting the temptation to create a long post with lots of bullet points, perhaps my main takeaway from the video is that our social nature strongly influences our motivational structure, shame plays a constructive role in that, and as society evolves, shame and social roles evolve with it.

    My motivation: drafting various writings on how to learn better and teach better in an adult education context. Demographic diversity figures in. A lot of the video relates directly to my projects. So I guess I need to review drafts and see if there is room to expand or revise anything. Thanks @corey-devos and @Keith_Witt for a very inspiring talk!

  3. I guess I would add that shame could be used to reenforce stuff most of us in this audience don’t like, like toxic masculinity. “Don’t cry, be a man!” Etc. Of course men were asked to cut off many parts of themselves in contexts like the American frontier, so that shaming was probably functional. As an emergent Green kid in the 60s, I was shamed by the boys and the girls at my school to bring me back into the Amber norms.It didn’t work. Couldn’t work. And those old patterns persist long after they are no longer needed, sort of like childhood responses that we carry into adulthood even when they no longer serve us (and bring them into my therapist’s office). Not quite sure that’s all true, but it’s a good story for today. Shame could all be used to gin up an army of fascists. Skillful means must guided by wisdom.

  4. Thanks for sharing a personal perspective @Stephen_Boyd.

    First, a reference: https://www.verywellmind.com/autonomy-versus-shame-and-doubt-2795733 I realize @Keith_Witt wrote a whole book on shame, and when time allows (or maybe Keith can just tell us!), I’d love to hear how his view on shame relates to that of Erikson.

    Summarizing a bunch of other random references on this, it seems the consensus view is that shame equates to social pressure, which gets internalized. Most of the therapeutic experiences I have had (mostly in the '80s) and perspectives I have read (ongoing) tend towards helping clients overcome excessive shame and helping them grow into autonomy, self-worth and agency. As a teacher, that’s my default setting on shame. Whatever most people are feeling ashamed about, they are probably overdoing it due to introjected not-so-integral superego content. So self-esteem building works in most cases.

  5. I agree, with the caveat that the goal is not to feel good (or maybe even equanimous) about everything we do. Cheating on your partner isn’t just an exercise of your autonomy, though it is that).

Continue the discussion at community.integrallife.com

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